Corn Dogs, Cheeseburgers, Custard And Other Diet Foods...

These quick tips will show you that you can eat your favorite junk food by the ton and still lose all the fat you want!
Just because the foods you want to eat are loaded with fat, sugar and calories doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to lose as much fat as you want while eating them! In my years as a trainer, I've found that it's simply not fair that we should be limited and made to feel guilty about what what we eat by such horribly judgmental and negative-sounding terms like "junk food," "sugary snack," "quadruple bypass" or "colon cancer."

This is especially true since I've also found that a person can lose as much fat as they want eating foods than most "experts" (like doctors, physicians, cardiologists, podiatrists, dieticians and sometimes even nutritionists) would consider a heart attack on a plate. My theories will prove that these colon-stoppers can be instantly transformed into health foods!

In a previous article entitled "Pizza, French Fries, Beer and Other Diet Foods," I eloquently dispatched many of the myths commonly associated with so-called "junk foods." You can read about these here.

Greasy Fat Shredding Tips

In this installment, I delve even deeper into the theories that can take the greasiest pile of food and make it into fat-shredding diet fodder.

» One
Eat Foods That Are So Greasy That They Are Constantly Slipping Out Of Your Hands Or Out Of The Back Of The Bread.

    The simple act of picking your food up after it's slid out of your hands burns a tremendous amount of calories both in activity and in frustration. The greasier it is, the more often it'll slip and the more calories you'll burn.

    This especially true of greasy hamburgers that have 3 or more patties stacked one on top of another (1 or 2 patties is not enough to get the greatest results so be sure to get the largest hamburger available - and no lettuce or tomato... they'll just slow the meat down).

    When each bite slides half the sandwich out the back end, you know you've got prime diet food. Stuff it back in and feel the burn (from the hot grease, that is!).

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» Two
Foods That Are Served On A Stick Are A Good Source Of Fiber.

    The humble corn dog is a prime example of a high fiber food because it's usually served on a wooden stick. In theory, the fiber found in the wood makes its way into the mush of the dog inside the corn, dramatically increasing the useful splinter, I mean, fiber content of the dog.

The Corndog: Nature's Greatest Food?
The corn dog was popularized in 1942 at the Texas State Fair when it was introduced by Neil Fletcher. The first corn dog on a stick was the Cozy Dog and it is still served in the Cozy Dog restaurant in Springfield, Illinois.

In 1946, Ed Waldmire Jr. used a batter supplied by his friend Don Strand and used cocktail forks as sticks. Waldmire's wife is credited with naming the "Cozy Dog", because the product was a "hot dog wrapped in a cozy."

Later he patented a device that clipped the sticks and allowed multiple dogs to be dipped in batter and then in hot oil. Truely these men were pioneers in the field of Dietary health.

Currently corn dogs are generally sold in gas stations and the deli areas of supermarkets.

    Even a Fudgesicle, following this to its logical conclusion, is packed with fiber. Chewing on the stick when you're done is even more effective.

» Three
Do Most Of Your Grocery Shopping In The "Impulse Buy" Areas Of The Grocery Store.

    These "impulse buy" areas are the racks by the register and the end-caps at the end of each aisle. Large grocery store chains have nothing but our best health in mind. They would never put anything unhealthy for us on prominent display where we would be most likely to buy it.

    They simply don't think that way. Profit is secondary to good health; therefore all foods that are on end-caps and set by the register are there to ensure that we have the best access to the healthiest foods possible.

    That's why the fruits and vegetables are always tucked away against the wall in the back corner of the store. All those things do is fill you up and provide essential nutrients that can be better gotten as additives to low-carb chocolate puff cookies.

    Grocery Stores: A Bastion Of Greasy Health.
    Early retailers did not trust their customers.

    In many stores, all products had to be fetched by an assistant from high shelves on one side of a counter while the customers stood on the other side and pointed to what they wanted.

    Also, many foods did not come in the individually wrapped consumer-size packages taken for granted today, so a clerk had to measure out the precise amount desired by the consumer. These practices were obviously labor-intensive and quite expensive.

    The concept of a self-service grocery store was developed by Clarence Saunders and his Piggly Wiggly stores. A&P was the most successful of the early chains in the United States, having become common in American cities in the 1920s.

    The general trend in retail since then has been to stack shelves at night and let the customers get their own goods and bring them to the front of the store to pay for them. Although there is a higher risk of shoplifting, the costs of appropriate security measures will be ideally outweighed by the economies of scale and reduced labor costs.

» Four
Our friend, The Cheeseburger.

    The perfect diet food, the cheeseburger combines the slippage advantage that I mentioned above with the abundant calcium found in the cheese. Calcium has been shown to help increase fat loss, especially when served on white bread.

    The high fat content also helps keep you feeling full for long periods of time so you don't feel hungry (or "regular") for a long time after. When eaten at lunch, this saves precious calories that you might later in the day be tempted to throw away on fish or salad.

» Five
Whole Grain Kids Cereals Are A Step In The Wrong Direction.

    No child has ever gotten fat from eating 6 bowls of Sugar Crisp with sugar scooped on top? I have yet to have somebody give me the gist of a study that says that sugary cereals will do anything but reduce attention span and cause diabetes and chronic hyperactivity. Whole grain kids cereal is just a tease.

    Cap'n Crunch is crunchy. Vegetables are crunchy. I rest my case.

    Same Thing.

» Six
No-Calorie Custard Is All In Your Mind.

    Custard rhymes with mustard. Mustard has no calories. When you eat custard, tell your body that you're eating mustard. The calories will simply evaporate.

» Seven
Preservatives & Antibiotics In Food Are Good For You.

    I would be remiss if I overlooked the amazing anti-aging properties of a good nitrate-filled package of mystery lunchmeat. Preservatives have been proven in several studies that I forget the names of to prolong life and increase health and prevent some other stuff.

    Heck, I wipe my counter with a handful of baloney - the antibiotics in the meat kill everything on it better than Lysol!

    In conclusion let me just finish by saying,

    "Don't believe a word I just said."

Which Of The Above "Tips" Do You Wish Was True?



The preceding information is not medical advice and should not be taken as such. If you feel the urge to take any of this "information" seriously, please lie down until the feeling goes away. Thank you.

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Check out Pizza, French Fries, Beer And Other Diet Foods!