Gym Etiquette: What To Do Not To Get Yelled At!

Why, do so many people desecrate such a holy place as the gym? Because they are idiots. Well, maybe not idiots, but they should know better. I am going to tell you what to look for and how to prevent it.

If you are like me, the gym is a sacred place where you can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of the everyday world. It is a place where you can let off all the steam that builds up after eight hours of taking orders or listening to complaints. Why, then, do so many people desecrate such a holy place? My answer: Because they are idiots. Well, maybe not idiots, but they should know better. I am going to tell you what to look for and how to prevent it.

1) Re-Rack Your Weights

There is nothing quite like looking for a 45 pound plate on a busy Monday night and not being able to find one. But as you look around you notice there are several on different machines and no one is using them. Also, women have a hard time getting these off of leg press machines.

Always replace everything you touch. Good gym owners and staff will watch people and make sure they replace everything. If you are lucky, you will see the person who left them on the machine and moved. Politely (no laughing Darell) go to the person and ask them to put up their weights.

2) Use One Machine at a Time

People who bounce from machine to machine really get my goat. Most of them are either older people who don't have a clue, or teenagers who don't have a clue.

Stick with the machine or equipment you are using until you are finished. If the gym is busy and you leave your equipment, someone will be on it when you return.

3) Wipe Down Equipment After Use

If you are a sweaty person, you really need to wipe off the surface of each machine you use. Sweat is a good way to transmit Staph bacteria and other communicable diseases. Also, it's freaking disgusting!!!

Carry a gym towel with you. Maybe you are in a good gym that keeps disinfectant next to machines. Use this.

4) Don't Get in the Way of People Doing Squats

This is one problem I have almost every time I work legs. You are doing reps with 455 pounds on your shoulder and the clueless idiot of the gym (there's one everywhere) walks in front of you on their way to the 5 pound dumbbells.

Do not do this. This is a very good way to either get yelled at or get the crap beat out of you. Doing squats in front of a mirror is important to maintain good form. If you walk in front of someone you are not only distracting them, but you are potentially fouling up their form. I repeat, do not do this.

5) Stay Away From Anyone Using 100 Pound Dumbbells.

Am I right here guys? Typically, anyone using 100 pound dumbbells is a pretty large fella. Also, that much weight makes one grumpy.

Stay away from anyone using 100 pound dumbbells.

6) Wear Headphones

Listening to Celine Dion or anything country is not very motivating. Ever tried to do a 320 pound set of bench presses while listening to the theme from Titanic. Or how about doing knee extensions to Pink Floyd. It's not going to happen.

Get an MP3 player. These things are awesome and you can put a ton of music on them. And they don't skip.

7) Leave the Big Guys Alone:

Pardon me, but nothing pisses me off more than someone who is only in the gym to socialize asking a bunch of questions about what I take. F*#! You. Most bodybuilders do not like people to automatically assume you take steroids. Yet another good way to get beat up.

Mind your own business.

8) Don't Ask Too Many Questions.

I know, I know. This is just a catharsis for me. But if you want to ask questions from someone at least wait until they finish their set. Most people are more than happy to answer questions. You just have to pick the right time.

If you have a question make sure it requires only a yes or no answer and do not move your arms wildly. This might frighten the bodybuilder and make him go into defensive mode. Just kidding. Just be courteous and remember that most people are in the gym to train. Do not interrupt during sets and especially during breaks.

9) Do Not Hit on Every Girl in the Gym

I hate to tell you guys, but most women are in the gym to workout and get out. They don't want you coming up to them, using your best pickup line, and flexing your 10 inch biceps. Also, I've always heard it is bad karma to date someone at the gym. If you break up, they might still come and tell everyone about your inadequacies.

Go to the bar if you are looking for a date. If a girl has on headphones or is reading a book that should immediately tell you "leave me alone". Always be aware that one of them may be dating the big hairy guy with the red face. He will crush you.

10) Keep Your Conversations to a Low Volume

Ok, just remember I live in Oklahoma. If you have to talk about how many cattle you sold or about your trip to the Bahamas PLEASE make sure the person is close to you. Have you ever been doing a heavy set and the guy next to you starts screaming about...well, anything? Very distracting.

If you have to talk, talk quietly. Especially if you are making a crude comment about someone because they might be in the gym.

11) Bathe

Nothing is worse than being hot and out of breath and the first chance you get to take a breather, the guy down the dumbbell row lifts his arms. A little warm. It takes a much nicer person than myself not to say anything and usually someone will tell you that you stink. It's embarrassing.

Do not fear the water and the round white object on the rack is soap. They are your friends. And please remember the deodorant.

I believe that about raps up Jon Huston's Personal Bitch Session. I feel much better now. And if anyone reading this knows me, yes I am talking about you!