Ask The Siege: How Can I Fix My Desk Jockey Belly?

It's too easy to get sucked into the daily desk job grind and forget all about your health and longevity. Here's the Siege's plan to help you get rid of your desk-jockey belly and increase your energy and vitality!

Siege, I was always active when I was younger. I ran around, played sports and was full of energy. Now I am a desk jockey with a growing belly. What happened to me?

After college, I would frequently wake up in a cold sweat from terrible nightmares. They were so bad I would have to change the sheets in the middle of the night. But my nightmares weren't scary because they starred sadistic mass-murderers like Freddy Krueger. They were terrifying because they showed me becoming flabby, fat, and lazy.

In my nightmares, I was taking the train to work at a boring office cubicle every damn day, missing workouts, and generally hating life. Even worse, when I actually got to the gym, a 25-pound dumbbell would pin my arms to the floor. Sometimes I would even wake up screaming in terror!

I went to the docs and they told me I was experiencing Post College Rat Race Syndrome, or PCRRS. This often debilitating dysfunction can be treated, but if not addressed quickly, it can lead to a lifetime of double chins and an ever-expanding waistline.

Some people will slowly let the world break them down. They will become complacent, accept their place in society, and become yet another cog in the wheel. They are infected with PCRRS and they don't even know it. If you're reading this article, there's hope for you. You will not accept your fate; you are willing to fight for your health, for your fitness, and for a longer, happier life! The battle begins today and you are on the front lines.

The Cure For PCRRS

For all of you former fit people, it's time to save the quality of your life. First, take a good long look in the mirror and decide that you are ready for a change. That change starts with willpower and the drive and determination found deep inside us all. Once you discover it, put your will into action!

This program is basic, simple, and easy to follow. Once you have the basics under control and have made good progress, then you can start to tweak your diet and training protocol for more specific goals.

Food Rules

I don't give a crap about what you eat—that's your business. However, on this program, you have to keep your calories in a particular range no matter what you put in your mouth. The plan you'll use for this program is a simple "calories in, calories out" model. If you eat pizza and pass your caloric intake limit for the day, then you're not eating anything else for the rest of the day. Make wise decisions or suffer the consequences.

Your basal metabolic rate (BMR) will determine the amount of calories you need every day to survive. It's a great way to start figuring out exactly what you need to eat, but it's just a baseline for basic daily function. The formulas below don't include additional calculations for daily activity, but we'll tackle those next with a handy calculator. For now, here's the math behind your BMR:

BMR for Men
66 + (6.3 x weight in pounds) + (12.9 x height in inches) - (6.8 x age in years)

BMR for Women
655 + (4.3 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years)

BMR Activity Multipliers



Activity Level

To determine your maintenance calorie intake based on your current activity level, you have to multiply your BMR from the above calculation by an activity level multiplier. I've included various activity level multipliers below, but I'm not going to actually make you do any math. Instead, just use the calculator to determine how much you need to eat! If you're a desk jockey who's not currently working out, then you should consider yourself sedentary.

Sedentary: BMR x 1.2
Lightly active: BMR x 1.375
Moderately active: BMR x 1.55
Very active: BMR x 1.725
Extremely active: BMR x 1.9

You now know how many calories you can eat to maintain your current weight and activity level. But I don't want you to stay the same, and neither do you. I want you to look and feel better. To safely and effectively lose weight, you'll reduce your daily calories by 500. So, instead of eating 2,490 calories per day to maintain, you eat about 2,000 calories per day.

Training Protocol

Alongside eating fewer calories, you'll train a minimum of three days per week. Before you tell me you don't have three hours per week to dedicate to yourself, think about how much time you spend planted in front of the television or looking at cat videos on YouTube. I'm asking you to take three of your 168 weekly hours to build a longer, healthier, and happier life. Don't make excuses. You can do it.

"This program is basic, simple, and easy to follow."

Going to the gym a few times per week will be your first step getting back in shape. Stick with it, and you'll see your feet when you look down instead of your belly.

Now let's get to work on building a better you.

6-Week Training Program

You'll train three days per week. The initial six weeks will be a starting strength and hypertrophy program for neuromuscular development and increased work capacity.

Monday: Chest, back, legs, abs
Wednesday: Shoulders, arms, abs, and 15 minutes of HIIT cardio
Friday: Chest, back, legs, abs

Monday: Back, shoulders, legs, abs
Wednesday: Chest, arms, abs, and 15 minutes of HIIT cardio
Friday: Back, shoulders, legs, abs

For each muscle group, you'll do 5 sets of a compound movement followed by 5 sets of an isolation movement of your choice. That adds up to two movements per body part. Perform each set for 8-12 reps. The first two sets of each exercise should be done with lighter weight to warm up. Work to failure for at least 8 reps during the final three sets.

Start Right Now!

If you're a master of procrastination, stagnation, and excuses, then it's time to give that person up and become a healthier, happier individual. You have all the tools you need to make healthy changes in your life. Implement this plan into your day and you'll soon cure your case of PCRRS and live much longer!

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