The 20-Week Miracle Diet

So you want to be a bodybuilder? You think you're serious? You think you're ready? Listen, I've heard it all before, guys coming up to me and asking, I want to be ripped and shredded. What's the secret?

So you want to be a bodybuilder? You think you're serious? You think you're ready? Listen, I've heard it all before, guys coming up to me and asking, "I want to be ripped and shredded. What's the secret?" If I had a nickel for every time I heard that I'd be a millionaire. Shit, make that a billionaire. Listen, there ain't no miracle pill. There is no secret diet. What you have to do is bust your ass every single day. You have to suffer. Let me tell you about suffering, bro. Suffering is eating the same tasteless shit every day for twelve to twenty weeks, depending on how fat and out of shape you are.

Pre-contest Dieting

It's not unheard of that a guy who weighs 250 pounds in the off season will step on stage weighing 200 pounds. That's 50 pounds to lose. That's 50 pounds of pure suffering. When you're trying to eat 400 grams of protein per day and your choices are egg whites, tuna, chicken, and beef, things get pretty boring. So you think you got what it takes? Sure, one 7-oz. bag of tuna isn't so bad. Try a 7-oz. bag of tuna five times a day. It's like eating salted wood. After eating tuna for so long, I've developed a method for getting it down as quickly as possible. Here's what I do.

I shovel as much tuna in my mouth as is humanly possible without throwing it up. I chew it fast and then chase it with mouthfuls of water. This is a quick way to get about 50g of protein in only a few bites. I can do three mouthfuls per sitting without gagging. Speaking of gagging on protein, I was doing legs one day, and I had a brainstorm.

Why not drink a protein shake in the middle of my workout? After drinking one, I did another set of squats when I fell violently ill. Man, the bathroom in this gym was across the room, up one flight of stairs. I made it up those stairs in record time, just in time to spray the walls with projectile puke. Word of advice: Don't drink heavy shakes while doing heavy squats. Save it for after, or you'll be doing your squats next to the toilet.

Protein isn't just about tuna or shakes. Another good source is lean red beef. Maybe you love filet mignon? You won't after eating it three times a day for twenty weeks. It ain't a whole lot better than the salted wood. And chicken? Forget about it. Have you ever smelled boiled chicken? Well, it tastes even worse than it smells. I remember several years ago when I was training for a show and eating almost a pound of chicken at every other meal. One day, I got about half a pound down and I just couldn't finish the rest. I knew I had to. I tried just about everything to chow it down. Finally, I decided to make a "chicken shake". I put the other half pound of cooked chicken along with 8 ounces of apple juice into a blender. I got three gulps down. And three gulps came back up.

Yeah, I eventually ended up heaving it all down the toilet. Whatever you do, don't even try a "filet shake". Last but not least, egg whites. So how big is your fridge? You'll need an extra one just to fit the fourteen dozen that you'll eat in a week, every week.

Now that we covered the basic protein, let's move on to carbs. In the first few weeks, you start out with rice, potatoes and oatmeal. After that, you might as well be eating glue, sand, and spackle. Sure these foods actually taste good once in a while, but not for twenty weeks. That's 140 days of hell.

Think this is bad enough? It gets worse. As you get more in shape, your metabolism is going to speed up so fast that you'll have to eat even more just to maintain your size. Times like these, I really have to force myself to eat. It gets ugly, believe me. Some days, I just want to puke it's that bad swallowing this stuff. But you do it. You got to. Look, nothing comes easy in life, especially those things that are worth having like an ass-kicking physique. Hardcore bodybuilding is about making sacrifices. Lifting weights is ball-busting work. Sitting on that fucking stationary bike sucks.

But diet? Diet is what truly separates the men from the boys. So don't come to me and whine about how hard it is sticking to your diet. Keep your mouth shut and do what you have to do. It's the only way, bro. The "outsiders" think we bodybuilders are crazy. What the hell do they know? Crazy is just another word for dedicated as far as I'm concerned. I'll see you at the other end of twenty weeks. If you got what it takes.

Typical Daily Diet

Here's a typical page out of my pre-contest diet. Like I said, it sounds good, but imagine eating eight meals a day, the same things over eat over and over again. This specific diet isn't for everyone, but it works for me. Depending on your needs, it will look different. Experiment. It will take some time before you know what will work for you.

10 egg whites and 1 cup of oatmeal

10 egg whites and a Uni-Syn MRP shake

7 oz. tuna and 1 cup of rice

7 oz. tuna, 1 large potato and another Uni-Syn MRP shake

7 oz. tuna and 1 cup of rice

8 oz. filet mignon and 1 cup of rice

8 oz. filet mignon and 1 cup of rice

8 oz. filet mignon and a final Uni-Syn MRP shake

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Showing 1 - 3 of 3 Comments

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  • rep this user

Good, strong article....

Jan 9, 2013 8:54pm | report
  • rep this user

To the point and accurate ......go hard or go home

Jan 27, 2014 9:59am | report
  • rep this user

That's a lot of tuna in one day. What about mercury poisoning? Is that really a thing? If people are eating this much tuna, surely someone must have gotten sick from it (if it's a thing). I am so confused on this matter.

Apr 30, 2015 1:41pm | report
Showing 1 - 3 of 3 Comments

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