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The Search For Inner Strength - Motivate And Transform!
I used to be an active kid, very active. So I ate as much as I wanted and there were never any issues. Then, at some point in my life, I went to an all girls' school and then to an all girls' boarding school. At the same time many things were happening in my personal and family life, which were making my life even more unstable. At that point, between the fact that I was a lot less active and due to the emotional turmoil I was going through I packed on the pounds.
I am short - 1.56 m (5'1") and at some point I weighed 68 kilos (150lbs). I come from an athletic family. I was ashamed of myself and so were they.
Once I finished high school I traveled a bit and my weight started to go down. I reached 62 kilos (136 lbs) and stabilized at that point. My body-fat percentage was close to 30%. Genetically I have a strong physiology and a relatively high LBM without exercising. I pack on muscle easily and I am naturally very strong.
Every year I decided to lose weight but I could never find the motivation to do it. Then, just over a year ago I met someone who meant a lot to me. I started watching what I ate more. It was still very far from perfect, but at least I was more aware.
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Genetically I Have A Strong Physiology And A
Relatively High Lean Body Mass Without Exercising.
A Wrong Turn
Then in the past 6-8 months my life turned upside down. Financially I lost almost everything I had gained, personally I lost or made the decision to cut off practically everyone that was around me (family, friends and partner) and I found myself with no one to turn to that could help me get through this period of my life. At some point, I gave up and tried to commit suicide.
I would have succeeded had a friend not walked in. Even then the paramedics had to revive me. I was aware of what was going on around me - that is an experience I will never forget. When I gained consciousness, I remember being mad at them for having revived me and I actually got into a physical fight with two big security guards who were trying to hold me down.
Since committing suicide is against the law (never understood that one), the next day I was taken to the police station and since I was violently resisting I found myself with cuffs around my wrists and around my ankles. The day after that I got into a bar brawl and had my nose broken. I was in a downward spiral.
Reasons To Succeed
Something snapped and I decided to clean up my act and to pull myself out of this mess. My motivation for doing that was five people whom I did not want to have to deal with my loss. It was a daily struggle and whenever I wanted to give up I would visualize the faces of these five people.
With each success it became easier, though I still couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I could see the signs that were showing me that I was in the right direction. I still haven't arrived and I still have bad days, but whenever that happens I remind myself of two things. 1) whom I am doing this for 2) the progress that I've already made.
At first, I could not imagine doing this just for myself. I needed the crutch of doing it for someone else. Now, I want to be stronger and I want to rebuild my life for myself and for those five people. The most important part of the process has been learning about myself. This has permitted me to know what would work and what wouldn't.
For example: I know that I have an all or nothing mentality, I also know that I am obsessive. So, I have arranged my workouts and my diet to fit my personality. Within less than 6 months I have gone from close to 30% body-fat to 21% body-fat. My goal is to reach 15% and I know that I will.
I may have days when I decide to throw out my diet and workouts out the window but the next day I feel so bad about it that it doesn't happen very often. On my fridge and on my door I have posted a big sign that says: "Life is pain. The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Which will it be today?" Not to say that you should view life as painful - each person needs to know what motivates them. For me with what I have recently been through, this is the most realistic phrase.
I am sure in the future it will change. Whenever I see that I am reminded that though it's not always easy, ultimately the feeling will be amazing. It already is when I see old pictures, when I see the clothes that I used to wear and especially when I see the faces on people who haven't seen me in a while. Seeing my success with this also gives me the strength and confidence regarding rebuilding my business.
I read a quote recently from the English writer Samuel Johnson who writes, "He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man". Based on this quote, whenever I need to find the inner strength to do what needs to be done at any price I say to myself "Res Bestia" - which is Latin for "being the beast". This is what reminds me that I have within me the strength needed to do it.
A beast fights until there is nothing at all left in it and even then, a beast will find an additional ounce of strength for another blow. Sometimes that's what makes the difference between failure and success.
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A Beast Fights Until There Is Nothing At All Left
In It And Then Finds Strength For Another Blow.
Reasons For Change
My advice to you is to dig deep inside yourself and visualize the reason you want to do this change - any change. From experience, the best reasons are related to the people we love. Even if it's because you want to live a long and healthy life, ask yourself why you want to live a long and healthy life.
I am sure you will notice that it's because you want to spend as much quality time with your loved ones as possible. Imagine the good times you can have together in the near and distant future. Whenever you are having a harder time keeping to your diet and/ or your training, just visualize that picture and it will give you the boost needed to move forward even though it's usually tough.
Once you have found your motivation you need to find inside of you the strength needed to achieve it. Motivation and inner strength are two different things. Realize that you are more powerful than you believe. Realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to.
If you do it smartly then it will be easier, but sometimes even when going in the most roundabout way you can still achieve it if you are willing to fight until the end without ever giving up. Once you have found your ultimate motivation and are able to visualize it and once you trust that you have the inner strength needed - nothing can stop you.
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