|Part 1 | Part 2|
So you have found them, that person who has all the same interests, habits and hobbies; the partner that fits. There are no problems in the kitchen because you both eat the same way and getting to the gym has never been easier because you now have someone to drive you.
Then why are you so bored? Is there such a thing as having too much in common?
Can You Have Too Much In Common?
Finding a partner that fits can be great but if you are not careful, after a while it can get a bit predictable. It doesn't take long to get to know such a person, cos hey they are almost you in the opposite sex and I don't know about you but if I was going out with me; well the novelty of THAT would soon wear off.
Everyday we wake up in hopes of something new and exciting happening in our lives: a promotion, a special delivery, or perhaps today is the day we will win the lottery. That's the reason most of us get out of bed in the morning, to look for something different and something challenging in our day.
In gym terms, this excitement and change can come from trying out a new exercise routine that is going to help us break the current plateau. We have been training the same muscles in the same way for too long and have finally found the answer to help us overcome that resistance and feel the burn once more.
Imagine constantly training the same relationship muscles. This is what can often happen when you find someone who fits too well. You are never "challenged" as you are never faced with new things. You constantly go to the same places because your interests are the same and you are never exposed to anything out of the ordinary, anything that makes you really think. We all know what happens at the gym when we do the same things over and over without variation... Our body stops improving and we hit the dreaded plateau I spoke of earlier.
To counteract this we need to constantly change it up, we must keep trying out new things with our body to keep it responding and progressing. Is it not the same on an emotional level?
There is a little dynamic called 'opposites attract' that can help us achieve the same results everyday in our relationship. At the gym we train all the muscles for a reason, to achieve balance: Back/Chest, Biceps/Triceps etc. If we trained one of these groups and not the other we would be heading for trouble (not to mention a funny nickname!)
Picture going to the same restaurant every Wednesday for dinner; sure it's safe, but how exciting is it going to be in five months time? You know exactly what is going to be on the menu and you have even started to get discount because you have been going there so often. Will this predictability get a bit dull after awhile?
Is it annoying when the waiter thinks he is so smart and brings you your food before you order, 'just cus it's what you always get.' What if you want something else for a change? Going to a different restaurant every Wednesday could be a bit intimidating and besides you like the discount you are getting from the usual place.
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So, What Is The Solution?
What if your current favorite restaurant had a changing menu? You could always have access to your standard fare if you wish (just in case) but every week something else was available. Wouldn't it be nice to have the option? This is how it can be in an 'opposites attract' relationship. Your partner will constantly be showing you new things, introducing you to new flavors that you didn't you even know you liked!
At first this opposites thing may take some adjusting, some re-tying of the laces and some resetting of the treadmill. But imagine all the invaluable things you will learn in the process. You will see things you never even knew existed and you will find out things about yourself you had no idea were there: new strengths, weaknesses, fears and joys. Now if you were never exposed to these initial conflicts you may have just gone about your merry way and missed out on these findings.
The same is true the other way around. Think of this scenario; you have just come across something new and exciting so you rush home to tell your "partner that fits" the news. However, because they heard about it last week, they brush you off without giving it a second thought. Bummer! That would never happen with an opposites partner because they rarely travel in the same circles as you when you are apart. How great is it to be the person to share some insightful information that the other partner didn't already know.
So among your doubts and confrontations perhaps an opposite attract is what you need, someone to show you how to do things in a new (and perhaps better) way. A person to cherish those aspects of yourself you had neglected. A person to broaden your horizons and keep you balanced.
So don't dismiss an opposites attract just yet and if you already have such a person in your life; learn to love their differences and appreciate all that they teach you every day.