Every recovery day, you'll learn a little bit more about nutrition from Kris. No matter where he is or what he's doing, his fitness goals are at the forefront of his mind. Check out today's video to learn one of Kris's most valuable lessons: No matter where you are, you can always control your environment.
Day 21 Active rest
Watch The Video - 12:51
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I wasnt going to write in here until tomorrow but I need to get some of the black tar out of me. I spent most of the weekend alone. I caught a movie with my Life Coach and had a meeting with a Graphic Novel CEO who wants to publish my character - KAGED MUSCLE – but that was it. I felt too vulnerable to be around people. I did everything I could to stay busy. I had lots to do so that was the easy part. I work extremely hard to work from the past, focus on the present and not to look to forward into the future but sometimes it’s a strain. It was real hard this weekend. I was setting myself up for failure based on my past circuitry. I wish I could unplug myself and rewire it but I seem to get charged on past bull****. Thankfully, my pen pal had sent me some music that I really dug. Music is an amazing healer to me. I hit the streets for a run late on Saturday night to wear myself out and meet sleep half way, otherwise I know I would be chasing it as I always do. I was too mentally tired for those games so a nighttime jog under the radar was in need. The music kept me going longer than I had planned. It fitted in perfectly with the full moon above me and silhouettes of people crossing in front of headlamps.
I had a lot of rage in me over the weekend and I don’t know why. It was mainly in the evenings. I think I was frustrated with myself. If Im not feeling like I should be doing more for someone I feel like I should be something more for myself but I never seem to find time. I always leave myself last so then I think about that. Then I feel guilty of thinking it. Then I beat myself up for being a big pussy about this bull****. I’m usually trying to get distracted from myself. Im working on it but its hard without overthinking it.
I do what I can to bottle the rage and direct it to my workouts. My thoughts strip me of any fear in the gym but there’s a price and that’s usually appreciation. I want to spare suffering for others by putting myself through it. Ill do whatever I can for people by being in front of them and delivering what I can for them but being with them can be a strain. I like most of them but it can be exhausting. You really don’t know if you are being yourself and you never know if they are too.
One part of me gets frustrated because there isn’t much action to take against thoughts but then I tell myself that this is what has got me this far. I wouldn’t exchange it. I have time to myself in any country I choose to live. I get to direct my rage and grow more from it. I never have to look to an end. I serve the purpose without an end in sight. With an end I would get distracted on delivering all I can in a day. I would have no sense of urgency. Every day counts if I am to grow from the inside and out for these people.
It’s late now and time to get my mind off my mind. I am looking forward to getting sleep over with. I have an early morning massage to prep me for my leg day. The film crew will be in my apartment early to capture it. Its my first leg workout since my injury 2 weeks ago. Its going to be tough because I have to take it easy. I don’t know what easy is but it sounds ****ing weak to me. I’ll need to find a bigger bottle for the anger I guess.