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The Struggle!

People say you will never succeed or will never get bigger than you are; they will poke fun of you, and laugh at you because that's all they know how to do; it is all good until someone like me proves them wrong.

This article you are about to read is an article about me. The article is entitled "the struggle" because it will take you into my world, and what I have gone through just to make it this far. Some of you might be able to relate to this article, and some of you might not. But for the ones, who can't relate to it, pay attention because a lot of you have it much easier then people like me.

When I was born back in 1979, I weighed a mere 3lbs 13oz. I was very premature, and almost didn't make it. At that point I had no clue what was going to happen later on down the road. As I grew older, I never gained much weight, and didn't grow much in height either. We didn't think it was much because people always get bigger later in life. I mean I heard where one kid weighed less then me, and was around my height back then who is 6'+ now. So we thought I was just a little slow on my growth. Kindergarten came, and I was the smallest in my class. Again, we didn't worry because I had a lot of time left for growth. As the years went by I got a little bit heavier, and taller, but not much. It was now time for junior high. I had a lot of friends in junior high because I grew up, and went to elementary school with most of them. But as I hit junior high, I noticed I was one of the smallest kids in school.

Later I became known as shorty, shrimpy, and a host of other names that had to do with being short. This is also how I knew a lot of people too. It was because of my height. Now I wasn't made fun of as an insult; I was just called those names because that's what my friends gave me. I looked at it as "friendly name calling." I only encountered one or two people who took advantage of my height problem, but that was no big deal because I took care of it if you know what I mean. Let's just say I got in a fight or two. So as time passed it was now the end of my junior high school year, and I was about to move up to high school. One good thing about this was that I had music talent. I had played the drums since 6th grade, and was a hell of a drummer. So this also got me a lot of friends.

Moving up to 9th grade was a big move because I didn't know the senior class. Boy was I in for a big surprise. Anyway, high school was here, and the halls were packed full of 1200+ students. During this time, I got picked on a little more than I used too. Most of this was from senior drum line members. They would always pick on freshman. You know how it is; I mean come on what senior doesn't pick on a freshman? I know I did when I was a senior. At this time in my life I still hadn't grown much. I stood a whopping 4'7" in 9th grade. As mentioned earlier, everyone knew me by my size, and the ability to play the drums like a bat out of hell. It was 6:30am in the morning, and time for drum line practice. In high school I played the snare drum because that is about all I could carry.

I mean I didn't weigh much more then the drum and harness did. Anyway, the senior drummers always thought it would be funny to put me in a quad case, or bass drum case, and lock me up. I really didn't have much of a choice but to listen to them. So all 4'7" of me got in the cases, and they locked me up, and carried me places. Sometimes out in the hall, and sometimes they would carry me outside, and leave me there. The worst part was they didn't gently put me down they dropped me. Depending on how tall the two people were carrying me depended on whether it hurt or not. Let me tell you, I always braced myself because getting dropped on concrete in a drum case wasn't all that fun. When they got tired of that, they would put me in those big black plastic draining tubes that were on the football field. They were used to drain water, but in my case they were used for fun. I would get inside, and lie with my hands at my side, and they would roll me across the football field at real high speeds. Doesn't sound like much until you are inside, and you end up rolling over bumps and get kicked too. Hey, it was all for fun, but sometimes it got annoying, and made me wish I was bigger.

Finally I ended up going to a growth specialist, and he told me I had a growth hormone deficiency. I was told I wouldn't be any taller then 5' unless I went on Growth Hormone injections, or Protropin. After tests were done on me, and I qualified, I agreed to go on the HGH because I didn't want to be under 5' tall the rest of my life. The timing was pretty good because since the stuff wasn't being used much, I was kind of like a test subject on the stuff. The Protropin would cost an outstanding $25,000 per year. Luckily, the insurance paid part, and the drug company paid the rest. I was very fortunate I didn't have to pay a penny for the stuff. I couldn't wait to get on the HGH after I heard I was going to take it. I immediately started.

I was about 14 years old when I took the stuff. I learned how to give myself injections, and did it every day for 3yrs. During the treatment, I had a checkup every month, and my progress was charted on a chart that told where I would be if I didn't take it, and where I was on the treatment. The stuff made me grow an inch every three months, and before I knew it, people asked what happened to me. Around my junior year, I never got many short jokes any more. I mean I still wasn't that tall, but I wasn't 4'7" any more. After all was done and said, I ended up being 5'6". That's where I am now. As you can tell, I wasn't much of a candidate for sports. I wasn't tall enough to play basketball, and wasn't big enough to play football. I decided playing the drums was the way to go until I got into college.

The first year of college, I decided I was going to try bodybuilding. Again, I was still pretty small. I was 5'5"- 5'6" and about 115lbs. The HGH screwed up my metabolism so bad that I couldn't gain a pound. This was great for the average person, but not for the bodybuilder. After spending a year in the gym at college with some guys who knew their stuff, I decided this was it. This was what I was going to do. During the second year of college, I decided to get serious. The first year was spent on form and technique, and then the second was spent on getting big so I thought. At this time I encountered a couple of setbacks. This included the passing away of my grandpa, after this, I just never got back in the gym. I finally decided to go at it again in July of 2000. I really worked hard, and after 6 months I gained 10lbs. This sounds great, but that only put me at 125lbs after about 4yrs of being stuck at 115lbs. I would soon find out that this was only beginner weight, and later on I would struggle even more.

Well here I am now at 127lbs. I get a lot of crap from people about my size more now then I did in high school because they think since I lift I should be huge. What people don't understand is how my HGH therapy had an effect on my metabolism. As I type this right now I still struggle to gain weight. I have to eat twice as much, and lift twice as hard as everyone else just to get where they are. I eat 3000cal a day, lift hard, and get 8-10hrs of sleep at night.

People always ask, "if you know all of this nutrition supplement advice why aren't you bigger?" I mean come on, get a brain. The same goes for people who have what I like to call a "Big Ego" on their shoulders. They think just because I am not big means I can't give advice. I mean why take advice from someone smaller then you? I have said this before, and I will say it again, size has nothing to do with what a person knows, but some seem to think it does. I encounter these guys all of the time. See, some of you know I have had almost 6yrs of supplement, and nutrition information behind me, and that I am also working towards my degree in exercise science. What gets me is when I give advice, and someone comes back with a short joke, or joke about my weight. It is more so about my weight then height.

You tell them about something you know, that they don't, and they come back with small jokes because that is all they know. They can't admit they are wrong, or don't know because they have their "Big Ego" in the way, and are letting that control them instead of their brain. I apologize if I come across harsh, but that is the truth. They also have no idea how people like me struggle just to put on a lb per week. At this moment I am looking at 3250-3500 cal a day just to put on a lb per week. If they understood where I have come from, and how the HGH turned my metabolism up sky high, they would understand. Now some people ask me if I am lifting just to get back at people who gave me crap in school, and through my life. I tell them I am doing this to show those people that it is possible for some one in my situation to get where they are. I may struggle, but I don't give up. I see it as a challenge. I may have to do what everyone else does times two, and I might be a hard gainer from hell, but that is ok, I don't mind. I can't change the fact that I burn 10,000cal by just sitting all day long. Anyone overweight would love to be in my shoes, and burn calories all day long without gaining.

If you only got one or two things out of this personal biography, that's fine, but the most important thing I wanted you to learn was that not everyone has it easy in the world of bodybuilding. We are all different and before you make an assumption about someone, realize where he or she comes from, and what he or she had to do to get here. Also remember that size has nothing to do with what a person knows. Many of you will see post by me on the message boards, and if you are a decent person, and have a sense of mind, you will know it doesn't matter whether the person who is giving information is 127lbs, or 200lbs. If the person who is 127lbs has more knowledge behind them why would you listen to some one who is bigger but knows nothing?

Until next time, good luck in you venture. If you are like me, and came where I came from I wish you the best of luck because it is a long and hard road, but without people like us who would show those other people they are wrong, and that it can be done?

"People say you will never succeed or will never get bigger than you are; they will poke fun of you, and laugh at you because that's all they know how to do; it is all good until someone like me proves them wrong, and it comes back and bites them later on in life. We may struggle, but we don't give up and quit just because some idiot says it can't be done. There are a lot of things in life that people said would never happen, but they did. The people who made it happen and proved every one wrong were people like me."