Joel Tietge


As far as I know, I started lifting in the seventh grade but I didn't hold out very long. The problem, I'm sure, was that I was getting up early in the morning and lifting before school started. Add to that the fact that I had no concept of reps or sets and my post workout nutrition was a bottle of SOBE "Power".

I drank "Power"? because it had creatine.

The real fitness experience didn't happen until the summer before ninth grade when I purchased my first issue of Men's Health magazine; that and I think I was tired of being fat. I had a simple lifting program and went running everyday. I ate rice cakes and fat free tortillas. Alas, I was still hording SOBE "Power".

I could go on for a long time detailing all the strange things I have done in the name of fitness and if it wasn't for two things, I would no doubt still be making sandwiches with that awful fat free mayonnaise. So, what were the two oh-so-potent guiding forces? Well, that first issue of Men's Health with their dripping wet cover model and the day I was told about

I also should give some credit to Angela (teen bodybuilder #32) for reminding me to eat slower, for always being a source of competition to keep me working hard, and that damned good protein pizza she made me. These things—hard work, consistency, protein, slower eating, et cetera—are important for progress as well as keeping oneself from choking.

Eventually I learned about protein powders and vitamins and the proper way to lift weights. The day came when my rice cakes and SOBE were replaced with boxes of mac-n-cheese, cans of tuna and chili, and jars of medium salsa. Now I eat steak and eggs with homegrown veggies and mix my whey with cream and olive oil.

The first thing I ever ordered from was 2lbs of Vanilla Praline Designer Whey, 1 container of Pro Paks, and of course I couldn't resist buying some methoxy product made by EAS. I admit, they may not have been the smartest choices but they made me feel tough, dangerous, hard-hitting.

Because the methoxy product said "HP" on it I thought I was the big shit in my gym. I have finally realized that I am not the big shit I thought I was; consequently, I now workout at home.

I don't actually consider myself a bodybuilder; I simply like to be strong enough to lift myself and someone dangling from my feet up over the ledge of a rooftop. I prefer to keep in optimum condition so I can focus properly when it comes time to create a mind wrenching poem, script, or story. It's also nice to have some muscles while jamming on your Les Paul in a tank top.

Feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you might have.


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