Joel Tietge


As far as I know, I started lifting in the seventh grade but I didn't hold out very long. The problem, I'm sure, was that I was getting up early in the morning and lifting before school started. Add to that the fact that I had no concept of reps or sets and my post workout nutrition was a bottle of SOBE "Power".

I drank "Power"? because it had creatine.

The real fitness experience didn't happen until the summer before ninth grade when I purchased my first issue of Men's Health magazine; that and I think I was tired of being fat. I had a simple lifting program and went running everyday. I ate rice cakes and fat free tortillas. Alas, I was still hording SOBE "Power".

I could go on for a long time detailing all the strange things I have done in the name of fitness and if it wasn't for two things, I would no doubt still be making sandwiches with that awful fat free mayonnaise. So, what were the two oh-so-potent guiding forces? Well, that first issue of Men's Health with their dripping wet cover model and the day I was told about

I also should give some credit to Angela (teen bodybuilder #32) for reminding me to eat slower, for always being a source of competition to keep me working hard, and that damned good protein pizza she made me. These things—hard work, consistency, protein, slower eating, et cetera—are important for progress as well as keeping oneself from choking.

Eventually I learned about protein powders and vitamins and the proper way to lift weights. The day came when my rice cakes and SOBE were replaced with boxes of mac-n-cheese, cans of tuna and chili, and jars of medium salsa. Now I eat steak and eggs with homegrown veggies and mix my whey with cream and olive oil.

The first thing I ever ordered from was 2lbs of Vanilla Praline Designer Whey, 1 container of Pro Paks, and of course I couldn't resist buying some methoxy product made by EAS. I admit, they may not have been the smartest choices but they made me feel tough, dangerous, hard-hitting.

Because the methoxy product said "HP" on it I thought I was the big shit in my gym. I have finally realized that I am not the big shit I thought I was; consequently, I now workout at home.

I don't actually consider myself a bodybuilder; I simply like to be strong enough to lift myself and someone dangling from my feet up over the ledge of a rooftop. I prefer to keep in optimum condition so I can focus properly when it comes time to create a mind wrenching poem, script, or story. It's also nice to have some muscles while jamming on your Les Paul in a tank top.

Feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you might have.


  • The Best Whey: A Review Of The Most Popular Whey Proteins On The Market

    My goal here was to review most of the major whey protein powders on the market. Read on to learn what the results were of some common protein powders and how they stacked up against each other.

  • Going Full Circle: A Realization In Training, Part 4.

    I have been able to achieve my ideal body fat %. Now I am going to enter the bulking phase and follow a model of old. The 'Grecian ideal' is a model looking for perfect proportion. This is my ultimate goal.

  • Going Full Circle: A Realization In Training, Part 3.

    Here is my complete training log for my goal of losing 10 lbs. of fat in three weeks. Get the details right here. Remember this diet may not be safe for some people.

  • Training The Average Woman: 4 Weeks In!

    For progress I know this: Angela is very happy with the changes being made...

  • Training The Average Woman: 2 Weeks In!

    The first two weeks have gone smoothly and my trainee is more enthusiastic than I could have hoped for. She constantly pushes herself...

  • Training The Average Woman: Transform Your Body!

    Check out this great article with sample workout programs, exercise pics, printable logs, diet plans and much more...

  • Ode To The Mind & Muscle Connection!

    A metaphysical reasoning of the mind and muscle connection. A personal explanation of why it is important to come through enduring self-devised, harsh realities. For those of us who look at the pains of training as more than physical channels...

  • Enzymes Complete: Part Three!

    In my past two enzyme articles I explained why enzymes were important and what they did. This third installment will go over specific enzymes, were they come from and what they do.

  • Enzymes Complete: Part Two!

    Every enzyme eventually wears out and dies. Enzymes actually work and communicate with one another to form cooperatives when necessary and maintain equilibrium within all the bodies’ systems. Learn the facts on enzymes!

  • Enzymes Complete!

    Every enzyme eventually wears out and dies. Enzymes actually work and communicate with one another to form cooperatives when necessary and maintain equilibrium within all the bodies’ systems. Learn the facts on enzymes!

  • All About Eating Disorders!

    When a person's life begins to revolve around weight and food, that is when an eating disorder occurs. Find out what they are, how you get them, who is at risk, and how to prevent them!

  • Recipes For Mass!

    Check out these awesome homemade recipes for bulking up in the off season. Learn how to eat right and keep the taste!

  • Training A Novice: The First Three Months Results!

    Three months is really not that long when it comes to building a god-like physique. Moreover, the three months I spent training with Andre seemed to move pretty quickly. Find out what is new and what kind of gains Andre made.

  • Uncovering Vitamin C

    We're always told to take our vitamins and more often than not, the first vitamin that comes to mind is vitamin C. The term 'C complex' now has meaning and value.

  • Xylitol: A Sweetener For Health.

    On a food label you might find xylitol classified as a carbohydrate but it is actually a natural sugar alcohol known more specifically as a polyalcohol. Learn what it does, where it comes from and how it can help you!

  • Miraculous Mushrooms: Maitake, Reishi, Shiitake, Cordyceps!

    Learn how you can benefit from the use of mushroom products. Mushrooms have been consumed for thousands of years for their taste, nutrient content, and most importantly their numerous unique compounds and medicinal properties!

  • Training A Novice: The First Three Months!

    The first four weeks went exactly as I had expected them to go with Andre putting forth some effort but not fully applying himself to lifting. I think it is like this for most beginners as they learn to love the pain of intense training.

  • Herbs For Bodybuilders!

    I am writing this article as a source of information for those who are interested in getting to know more about herbs and how to incorporate their wondrous properties into daily life, be it general health or athletic improvement.

  • Vitamins Complete: Part 3!

    This article is meant to get you familiar with the various beneficial compounds that are present in food. Many of these compounds have yet to be considered actual nutrients and are commonly unknown by most people.

  • Vitamins Complete!

    Vitamins and minerals are generally considered to be the most important aspect of maintaining optimal health. Learn why!