Tell your funniest story about your smelliest protein farts!!

By Anonymous on Monday, November 15, 1999 - 04:59 am: Edit

One time my training partner was spotting me on flat bench. As I was doing my forth rep of 315lbs (that's heavy for me) he let out the nastiest fart right on the top of my head! I began laughing as did he. I couldn't get the weight back up and he was laughing so hard he was useless. Needless to say I had to rest the weight on my chest and roll it onto my stomach so I could get it on my legs and get it off that way.
He is no longer my training partner.

By Anonymous on Monday, November 15, 1999 - 09:13 am: Edit

SSSSSSSSSSNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFF....
EXCUSE ME!

By Scat-Man on Monday, November 22, 1999 - 07:14 am: Edit

My farts are so powerful that I once propelled my self 10 feet into the air, then I shit my pants.
But like a true bodybuilder, I continued to finish my workout, the others were so impressed with me that they immediatly left the gym (some screaming) giving me total access to all the equipment! Then the fire sprinklers went off, so I washed my crack right there!

By JohnT.Urd on Monday, November 22, 1999 - 08:55 am: Edit

Scat-man is the shit-bomb, baby! Yeah!

By Buster Cherry on Saturday, November 27, 1999 - 11:44 pm: Edit

I once drank three servings of my favorite protein drink in one sitting! Suffice to say, two hours later, right when I was ass-fucking Scat-man's mom, I had no choice but to turn her around, open her mouth, and blow mud down her throat.
It's funny though. Since then, Scat-man's mom insists that I do the same thing on a daily basis. She says that she is making huge gains.

By ae,ghbLOLOLOLLOOO!@OL! on Friday, January 14, 2000 - 08:38 am: Edit

LLOOLOOLKOLPOLOLOKVOMNBKHBEFEFhb

By This is funny as hell ( - 199.174.55.238) on Saturday, April 15, 2000 - 03:14 am: Edit

This whole page is funny as hell! I especially like the shit bomb story!

By Anonymous ( - 63.29.27.63) on Wednesday, June 07, 2000 - 06:10 am: Edit

wicked funny shit especially the spotting fart!!!

By Anonymous ( - 207.41.203.227) on Wednesday, June 07, 2000 - 10:44 am: Edit

my girl was sucking my dick one day and just as i came i farted right in here face,needless to say it was a nasty whey fart since then shes been scared to go down on me.

By amo ( - 193.113.185.163) on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 01:04 am: Edit

I do Smelly Welly Silent but Deatly Stealth Bomber farts Myself.

By Anonymous ( - 216.76.176.95) on Sunday, July 02, 2000 - 09:04 pm: Edit

MY BOYFRIEND HAS THOSE RANK ASS FARTS TOO . HE REALLY STINKS. DOES THAT WHEY REALLY DO THAT TO YOU? HE SMELLS LIKE A BOMB IS STUCK IN HIS BUTT AND READY TO EXPLODE.

By Animal ( - 208.3.198.96) on Sunday, August 20, 2000 - 11:51 pm: Edit

Why the •••• does protien make you fart so bad? my parents are threatning me saying they are gonn akick me out of the house if i keep eating and taking supp.s like i do. It gets embarassing in front of girls as well... damn it i wish i can take my 400 grams of Protien without embarassing myself and becoming homeless.....anyone have any suggestions?????

By Anonymous ( - 213.27.48.220) on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 06:11 am: Edit

Try some youghurt twice a day - yeah slip it in your crack.

By John ( - 194.30.248.112) on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 01:27 pm: Edit

Try to add more fiber at your diet. lt will help you a lot with your gas animal.

By rectum humper on Monday, August 21, 2000 - 06:34 pm: Edit

I am getting real good at these enemas!
They made me grow tall and fart cola smelling gas.

By Anonymous ( - 24.114.37.138) on Saturday, August 26, 2000 - 04:43 am: Edit

I can't remember the exact terminology, but it has to do with bacteria in your intestinal wall not breaking down and digesting the protein.

If you over-consume protien, and not as much is absorbed as possible, you develop gas.
Just another reason to by whey isolate, and not some crappy soy or whey concentrate like you find in most products.

By John on Monday, September 25, 2000 - 03:34 am: Edit

This is not an ad but some companys like(PVL)
and others are adding an ensym to there protein to help combat this problem and Ya,it helps some

By Anonymous ( - 62.60.36.240) on Tuesday, September 26, 2000 - 01:41 am: Edit

this is not funny dont you know that the methane in your farts is damaging to the ozone layer, your being so selfish with your protein intake you destroying the environment, have a heart man

By Anonymous ( - 62.60.36.240) on Tuesday, September 26, 2000 - 01:43 am: Edit

one time in bed i farted so hard the sheets lifted a clear 8 feet off the bed

By Micky Mouse ( - 205.247.226.195) on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 11:21 pm: Edit

I enjoy farting. It cleanses my soul.

By Anonymous ( - 205.247.226.195) on Friday, December 15, 2000 - 11:25 pm: Edit

One time I bought a huge box of Super-Giant-Mega-Huge-nasty-Weight Gainer 5000. I had 3 full 5000 calorie servings and then went to see a movie in the theater. About half way through I started feeling uncomfortable, then all of a sudden it came shooting out my ass like a TORNADO. Tons of methane was unleashed into the theater, blowing popcorn and empty bags all over. I decided to call my fart storms "Huricane Methane"

Yet another fart story, One night while on my weightgainer I held up my cat and farted in its face over and over again untill it threw up. That was pretty damn funny

By big dog on Sunday, December 24, 2000 - 05:58 pm: Edit

oaky. i had just had a 14 egge white omellet and and proteing shake before i went to church. and the night before i had 4 chicken breasts. so needless to say, i was making gas like that shit was free. okay, now to the story. it was sunday and i was at church. my priest was talking during the sermon. he said, " and the people saw a great sign for the heaven..." and then i let out the biggest fart i have ever let out. i do not go back to that church.

By Anonymous ( - 207.172.108.166) on Friday, December 29, 2000 - 05:34 am: Edit

big dog, that sounds nasty!!! lol and funny as shit. sounds like a sign from god!

By runt on Tuesday, January 23, 2001 - 11:53 am: Edit

Once i was walking accross the landing and did
what can only be descibed as Ultra level 10 nuke fart. I had trouble getting it out so i pushed really hard. What happened next was unbelieveable
my whole ass expanded like a super log was coming out. Then the noise from this fart was so loud and deep it sounding like a bass tube. If you think im exagerating, im not finished. I felt light headed and went weak at the knees, i almost passed out and being 6'2 270 lbs when i hit the ground i hurt. THe head rush was great and i have since been trying to replicate this fart, with various protein mixtures, to no avail.

By Chris on Wednesday, January 24, 2001 - 12:06 am: Edit

Cool this board has started again! I got one to tell....Its not so much funny but more serious

I was at a party with my friends and the night before i had eaten so much protein it was almost unreal.Well it was about 9 pm and the party was just getting really going when i felt the need to go to the toilet.Anyway i went in there and i let out this almighty fart.No lie i was so embarresed because I thought everyone would of heard it. It really stank rotten in there needless to say. Only the fittest bird I have ever seen went in thier.Well all i could hear at first was her throwing up...then she ran out and her face was blue.I cant believe I got away with it!

She was in tears....I plucked up the courage to ask her how she was.She said to me someone has a real big problem. I just about held back the laughter.

By Luke ( - 12.78.158.196) on Monday, February 26, 2001 - 06:57 am: Edit

I got a new fart story for this board... I am a particularly flatulent young man. Here it goes:

I was skiing in upstate New York last weekend. I suck at skiing, little 7yr olds were going faster than me. I finally welled up the courage to make it to top of the mountain and attempt to fall... I mean ski down. Let me tell you I was trying so hard not to fall, and then it happened...

I felt like there was a tiny little bit of gas needing to come out, its funny how you can be tricked... When I farted, I was turned slightly to the left trying to cut into the mountain to slow down. The fart was so violent I think it actually dislocated my hip, my whole leg twisted inwards and my left ski popped off and slid down the mountain side. This happened just as I was approaching the mogels section, as soon as I hit them it was all over. Within seconds I had lost my second ski and both ski poles, a second later my goggels and beanie.

As my stomach was hitting the ground I was continually farting over each mogel, it seemed to help "break" my fall you could say. In fact I am convinced that if I wasnt a half man/half ball of gas, I may have died last weekend, the gas would not have been there to lessen the blows of the deadly mogels.

As I came to a stop, sliding on my stomach, face down in the snow a little girl came whizzing by and spun around. I figured she was going to ask me if I was ok, I was going to have her fetch me my ski poles and other equipment. Instead she had the nerve to ask me if I pooped my pants when I fell. I felt like slapping her, but instead I told her that yes, indeed I had shit my pants and maybe she could help me get cleaned up. She was out of my sight within 7 seconds of saying that.

By Fart Master ( - 12.75.140.135) on Saturday, March 17, 2001 - 07:15 am: Edit

one morning i got up had 2 scoops of weight gainer and 6 scoops of protien shake stuff. then when i got to school, this girl bent over to tie her shoe, her locker was right next to mine, i ripped one right in her face she got up and started to go into the bathroom so i went in there too. when i was in there i raped her and then killed her chopped up her body into little picies and flushed those picies down the toliet.

and back when i was in WWII i was working with hitler,, you know how they killed all those jew i did a lot of that in gas chamber 225634 at luxenburg, this is how i did it they put them in a room all sealed then popped out the little looking glass in the door i stuck my asshole up to it and farted and all thoses jews died.

By Anonymous ( - 194.83.240.39) on Saturday, March 17, 2001 - 10:17 am: Edit

lol
Good one bro!

By THEO ( - 195.121.185.197) on Monday, March 19, 2001 - 12:25 am: Edit

I know a could way to really treat your girl on a dilicious fart. Just like I like to do it when she is being ignorent.
First you hold up all the gas up for the live long day. (needless to say you spike up protein). Then you go for a little playwrestling. ok, you place here head between the insights of your thighs and then let one go off right in her freakin'nostrils. Try it, you'll get a kick out of it. (not only from the fart...

By bla ( - 206.248.67.154) on Monday, March 19, 2001 - 11:06 pm: Edit

The reason they smeel so bad is because when protein is broken down the main bi-product is ammonia and methane

By asscracker ( - 63.46.183.228) on Wednesday, March 21, 2001 - 06:19 am: Edit

I remember one time I ripped ass in my girlfriends face in college. She was laying in bed with me and I got up to go to take a piss and when i got up off the bed i ripped the biggest saucy swampass fart dead in her grill.then when I was driving with her and my freind John a week later in the car her and john were talking about the negative points of their boyfriend/girlfriends and john said he has it the worst: "when my girl gets pissed she throws everything in the room at me"... well my girl replied "ohh yeah, at least she doesnt hold you down on the bed and rip ass in your face.." John gave me the biggest cheesesmile after he heard that and we both started laughing so hard that we almost puked. She got pissed off however and told me to drop her off at home so I did, we broke up after that but it always gets a good laugh..

By Pop Farts ( - 12.78.140.146) on Thursday, March 29, 2001 - 06:49 am: Edit

I fart in my girlfriends face all the time. I think she likes it in a sick way.

By Anonymous ( - 24.112.158.240) on Friday, March 30, 2001 - 01:43 am: Edit

Man, My wife was gonna give me my walking papers I smelled so bad....She said if ya take those G**D*** shakes on the week-ends when we're both home I'll be seeing you in Divorce Court on Monday Morning....So with a little trial and error I seemed to have found the cure for me anyways.....buy a protein supp that DOES NOT contain "dried egg whites" in it.....It worked for me!!

By fartsniffer on Tuesday, April 17, 2001 - 09:39 pm: Edit

Guys, I would like to be a judge to see what guy has the smelliest farts! I'd also like tobe a judge to see what guy has the smelliest feet!

By AzzVAPOR (216.145.67.131) on Wednesday, April 25, 2001 - 01:15 am: Edit

I eat three 80 gram Protien shakes a day. I eat slim fast and bananas for snacks. I sent a sample of my gas to NASCAR. They are considering it as a alternative for nitro.
When I am at work and I feel a bomb sneeking out I try my best not to let it make any noise. Instead I let out a burp. Well all of my coworkers think my burps are what are so smelly so they tell me I need to go see a doctor., but what is funny is because they think I am just burping they will continue to work in my foul ass vapor. I just laugh at them.HA HA HA they kill me,,,try it,, I swear it is funnier than hell.

By fartsniffer (155.94.54.252) on Sunday, June 10, 2001 - 07:29 pm: Edit

Okay, I am willing to give it a try. Where are you so that I can smell your foul vapor? It isn't addicting or anything is it? I'd hate to find myself on the streets begging for guys to fart in my face! bf6067@hotmail.com

By stanki (152.163.201.52) on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 02:51 am: Edit

DAM, it stinks in here !!!

By howard rosen (24.18.122.54) on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 07:39 pm: Edit

I was at a Super Bowl party in Brooklyn when the host, a weight lifter, let loose a nasty fart bomb. It was so bad that many of the guests retreated to and opened up a window. When the smell subsided everyone forgot that the window was a bit ajar and a couple days later the apartment was robbed by a crackhead who climbed through it.

By Anonymous (152.163.213.181) on Friday, June 22, 2001 - 01:02 am: Edit

I was in a large Criminal trial ( Im one of the Good Guys) and I had a major Tribulis and 19-nor attack, I walked behind the Defendant (bad guy) and Ripped a major silent but lethal shot of gas, it stunk up the entire courtroom and the judge had to take a break, everyone blamed it on the bad guy and I never admitted to it I even between my laughter blamed the poor sap. owe yea he was also found guilty of his crime, but not until after the jury got back from loosing there cookies.

By BB (207.172.151.45) on Friday, June 22, 2001 - 09:05 pm: Edit

I used to hold my girlfriend down and fart on her until recently we were getting it on doggy style and in the middle of it she goes, "You know how you always hold me down and fart on me, well how do you like this." Man it is a good thing that I have a decent 6 pack or else that blast might of blown a whole through my stomach. Everything work out though we just had a good laugh and went back to it. Now I make sure that no farts escape when I got her from behind because I simply plug that hole right up.

By Anonymous (207.172.148.79) on Tuesday, June 26, 2001 - 01:25 am: Edit

Just wanted to Bump this. This shit is too good.

By Anonymous (152.163.201.178) on Wednesday, June 27, 2001 - 10:14 pm: Edit

My four year old Daughter got into my Protein bars and ate several at one time before we knew it, she then cut loose in the Truck with her brother trapped in the backseat, we all nearly puked and my Son did. That beautiful girl was the stinkingiest child in the entire state. Protein bars and kids do not go well togather!

By ErgoGal (158.252.112.174) on Thursday, June 28, 2001 - 06:56 pm: Edit

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

By Paul21 (208.28.116.92) on Thursday, June 28, 2001 - 07:11 pm: Edit

Yestarday on the leg press machine I had asked for two guys to spot me on either side. I had never done 11 plates before, and although I did need their help I am proud about how strong my legs are getting lately and I was showing off a little. To make a long story short, my protein intake lately has been phenomenal. The last rep of the last set just as I was about to press forward, and complete the rep I let go with the loudest fart that seemed to dround out my grunting. It smelled so bad, like stinky, smelly dungeon fart that everyone ran away, half laughing, and half gaging!

By Big Cat HH (Bigcatmod) (213.224.83.38) on Friday, June 29, 2001 - 07:30 pm: Edit

I don't take well to protein, When I let one rip the whole street needs to vacate. But apparently you get used to it. My gf just smiles at me now when I let one fly. I think that's so sweet, that she can put up with that. Its lovely to watch reactions though. You let one out, from deep down in your soul and everybody is ready to puke and they know you're the culrpit. But you are twice their size, so they just sniff it all up like it was cocaine.

By BB (206.161.86.219) on Saturday, June 30, 2001 - 12:38 am: Edit

LOL, bump!

By Anonymous (64.20.58.114) on Monday, July 09, 2001 - 10:01 pm: Edit

I was at the gym doing my usual squats when i had a sudden urge to fart, i couldnt hold it in so it exploded and my shit flew across the room hiting a couple of girls in the face
its true, its true

By BB (207.172.148.181) on Tuesday, July 10, 2001 - 01:06 am: Edit

Anon, is this Kurt Angle? I think so, its true, its true!

By SrFlexALOT (206.43.24.181) on Friday, July 27, 2001 - 02:46 am: Edit

people say dont eat chili cuz it makes you fart? HA! yeah right. protein is way worse. I must fart 20 times a day. i go nuts. I feel sorry for girls when they go down on bodybuilders, it must stink!

By WILL-O-MATIC (195.92.168.168) on Wednesday, October 24, 2001 - 07:30 pm: Edit

Well It was last summer and I had been working for my boss who's also head bodybuilder of the gym that I go to. Anyway I was working in the greenhouse next to the gym just doing labour work lifting things about. The thing is that it was an extreemly hot humid day, and in the green house it gets awfully hot and all the smell is kept in. Anyway Sean my boss had had a typical big breakfast being the 15 stone body builder that he is and came into the green house and asked me a favour. That right moment he dropped a huge squelchy high protein fart reminiscent of egg, and I'm sure you can immagine the heat and the warm air smelling of fruity whiffy egg surrounding the greenhouse like a cloud of smoke. It was bad enough for me co's I had to work in it, and the smell was so bad that the customers were going away. It was bit like the greenhouse fart effect only 500,000 times stronger!!!!!

By WILL-O-MATIC (195.92.168.168) on Wednesday, October 24, 2001 - 07:42 pm: Edit

Do you have that same problem like me when you get up everyday in the morning to take a piss and you fart so much that it wakes the next door neighbours up?
It's bad havin to get up in the middle of the night to take a long blissful piss and you parp so much that you wake up your brother in the next room who's gotta be up for work in the morning.
Sometimes when I drink a lot of water and protein I'm constantly dropping them throughout the day. Roast beef ones, egg ones to name the others.
But my brother is the fart king co's he drops the worst killers. There usually the loud smelly thought reminiscent of a basson in b minor, and they always smell like somebody in the room is digging the neighbourhood sewer up and is collecting the smell and dropping it round the room.
It gets right up my nose it does!!! Co's he always farts in my face
But when I drop them mine never smell in front of him.
But our cats farts are supremely evil and smelly, there like a combination of my brothers and my moms thrown together creatin a super fart!! One with aenough power and radiance to clear a 2 mile radius area!!
And I always know when my cat has farted co's It's known for doing silent but deadlys, another supreme cat tactic for getting rid of dogs or humans!!!!