IFBB Pro Undercover #40!

2006 is upon us now and we are off to the first IFBB undercover of the year. We have had some interesting things happen in the kooky world of bodybuilding and I am going to share those right here.
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2006 is upon us now and we are off to the first IFBB undercover of the year. We have had some interesting things happen in the kooky world of bodybuilding.

Great Separation

I recently read an interview with Troy Alves in which he states that he should have won last year's Iron Man Pro. I just saw Troy in his preparation for the show and from what I observed - he has some nice... well, GREAT separation that is very apparent to all onlookers. However, his greatest points of separation appear to be in the area between his brain and reality.

Troy Alves
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Troy Alves.

Troy's efforts or lack thereof to chase at least a spot as number 2 may have clouded his own perception of self. I have always thought Troy is at his best when shooting for #3 and below. His lower body appears to have suffered tremendously from his reported 'calf injury' that kept him from his anticipated 15th at the 2004 Olympia.

From what I know of Troy it was likely more drama in his personal life and career uncertainty that kept him from the stage. He is reportedly making this his 'swan song' appearance in an attempt to break through to the ranks as a 'real pro'. I have heard him sweet talk the judges in hopes of turning their eyes from a stark reality - he is no better than #3 at any show he does.

You Want Reality?

You want reality - here it is: Troy, give it up. Troy needs a part-time job that will assist him in paying the bills (you may contact him through his web site if you have any jobs fitting his qualifications: middle of the road competitor with family issues). He can't live on free t-shirts and sample packs of protein powder to pay the bills.

We must all chip-in to help him find a job. He can't feed the family, send that daughter to college and pay for medical insurance guest posing at local shows---come on people - where's the love?

Are we going to let Troy starve? It is not fair to his family. It is also not fair to those judges. Troy consistently makes the judges feel awful because they feel obligated to score him a bit higher because of his 'charming personality and kiss-@ss tactics' but h*ll, they know it's not fair to other competitors such as myself who do this for a living. I'm trying to be as gentle as I can... I know he's going through a lot right now.

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That Charming Personality
Can't Get You Everywhere Troy.

Troy vs. Gustavo?

I've also heard Troy complain about some confrontations that he's had with Gustavo. He complained Gustavo was an @sshole - but really man - is there that much that separates Troy and Gustavo? The answer is NO because the similarities are endless.

Both of their personalities (Gus the @ss and Troy the Kiss @ss) are obviously overcompensating for; in Troy's case lack of preparation/development and in the case of ole Gus --- lack of confidence/symmetry and bad stomach problems.

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Troy The Kiss @ss.

In addition, both guys continually think they should be number one when placed as number three. I'm not too good with my math but I do think number 2 comes after number 1 - how can you complain about being the 'true winner' when you didn't even take second? Sh*t guys --- it's all about 'baby steps.'

I think both Gustavo and Troy should team up as workout partners and work on their spirits or have a nice little sit-down with Dr. Phil... maybe then they will have a shot at... #2.

Until you fix the mind - the body will never be right.

Poor Gustavo...

Poor Gustavo - easily the most despised competitor in bodybuilding. However, I know old Gus and let me assure you, deep down he's trying to be nice. He's just in a lot of physical pain. Did you know Gustavo actually grunts on-stage? Yes folks - every pose comes complete with a herniated strain of the old vocal chords.

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"Ugh. Grrg. Groan!"

From what I know, it appears to be a severe case of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

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Uh, Oh!

See there - you can't judge a book by its cover or in this case an @sshole by his demeanor. Gustavo isn't being an @sshole on purpose, he is in pain. His guts hurt. He is simply trying not to sh*t on himself. Have you seen the distended belly?

Most would attribute this to 'growth gut' but I assure you as a fellow competitor, it is not... it is IBS.

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IBS Is Not A Joke.

How dare Ronnie call him out as a 'crackhead' - the only drugs I know he must use are those for his stomach cramps. I mean I sure he has never used illegal drugs, save the testosterone, anadrol, dbol, Winnie, halo, HGH, insulin, clen, Anavar, tren, Novadex, Arimidex... make sure you cap those needles.

Ronnie & Gustavo
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WPI & MPI News

For the last couple of episodes we have been talking about the new bodybuilding federation that is set to get rolling this year. From what I've been told, almost all of the shows will be in Europe, Asia and Russia.

These shows under the new federation will give the athletes a better chance at making decent money in professional bodybuilding... h*ll, we might even get some benefits and oh how the European women make us smile: for those of us who aren't 'in bed' with 'certain obligations' and concerned with political agendas - I would suggest taking the dive.

Once some of the dedicated sponsors and professional bodybuilders that I know are already aboard make themselves known, the IFBB will have some hearty competition on its hands.

H*ll, we might even see some of the needed changes both fans and athletes have been begging for come to fruition (symmetry, aesthetics, weight classes... ).

This could be a whole new era for modern bodybuilding.

MPC News

In the last issue we told you about the new organization that Jim Manion is forming. Manion says it will be called the MPC.

Note for competitive bodybuilders: make sure you are under contract with the Manions before you compete in any of his proposed shows or you might not place well.

Can you say WWE(?)... oh wait that is wrestling. Same thing, right? - don't father and son own that one too - must be why I was confused.

Questions & Answers

One of the most common questions I receive concerns steroids and professional bodybuilding, here are just a few:

[ Q ] Is Ronnie Coleman all natural?

    A: You're f*cking kidding me right?

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    The Man Was Born This Way!

[ Q ] I have been taking 1200 mgs of T2, 75 mgs Anadrol EOD and not seeing results - should I add something - what do I need to get me to the next level?

    A: You forgot to add the following:

    • Hard work.
    • No life outside of the gym.
    • Constant state of injury/pain.

    Sorry if I have failed to give you the 'magic pill' that all of us pros know and keep secret from the public? Do drugs and genetics play a big role... yes. But let's be real bro - you have to make this sh*t your life. If you are not in it all the way, fully committed financially and willing to lose everything just to gain 10 lbs of muscle for your next show don't f*cking bother.

[ Q ] What's the difference between pro bodybuilder cycles from the past and present?

    A: Gyno and distended guts.

    My point? Isn't there something else you guys would like to know about professional bodybuilding besides what type of cycles are best for beginning steroid users? Isn't there something in this sport more important than the debate over whether or not I should use insulin or oil based products in preparation for competition?

    H*ll, I think asking about what type of drugs I use is both one of the rudest and most common questions I get. I have heard all types of drug questions asked at seminars, expos and the like. I have heard of one pro who responded to one of these questions the following way:

    "Mr. Pro, what type of gear do you like best?" and the pro responded, "Interesting question; however, I must ask you... does your wife like taking it in the @ss or not... oh, and by the way... what is her favorite position?"

    I think I will employ those types of responses from here forth after this initial response: Professional bodybuilders use drugs. What type, where from and how much is really not something up for discussion until we are intimate friends. You let me bang your wife a few times and we might just talk.

Is The Use Of Drugs A Private Or Public Issue?

Private, It's The Competitors Business, No One Else's.
Public, I Should Know Everything A Pro Takes.
Competitors Shouldn't Take Drugs At All!