After a bit of walking I found myself being pulled in the direction of the ocean, there was no fog, no rain everything was clear except my head and some clouds in the distance. I sat on the sand trying to figure out what I was doing with my life, how I was going to get where I wanted to go and how would I make the pain go away.
So there I was looking at the dark sky indulging in the beauty of nature, the only noise was the crashing of the waves, it is unusual to have waves at this beach but the sea always seems to reflect my own inner feelings. I wanted to have clarity like the sky on a warm summers night but I was still filled with feelings of hate, so were the waves.
All Of A Sudden...
I asked myself why I was being tested? Hadn't I been tested enough in my life already? Why was I letting myself get so angry? I realized that I had been angry for to long, it was getting me nowhere, and the comfort of alcohol was no longer comforting. I realized that for a long time I was trying to be someone that I just was not, all of the bull shit that I had gone through lately could have been avoided if I had only had the courage to stand up and say "NO".
I had gotten what I needed whenever I had gone against the grain. I was different from other people, I was no messiah or prodigy but I was a unique person that has a lot to offer this world. I needed to think about the situation from a different viewpoint. Most of all I had to let go and realize that I cant control everything but I can control my actions and myself.
See, I had listened to my soul when I decided to get out of the house and return to my focal point in nature. This focal point provided me with a kind of balance in my soul. This was a choice that I knew I had to make but I managed to make it when I had really let go of the situation. How often had I over looked my own inner feeling to be with nature? A lot.
I used to train inside almost exclusively indoors with artificial lights and heating, my world had become very green house in nature. Why? I was scarred to go against the grain. Why? For once I was trying to be someone that I was not.
The waves had almost settled down, so had my inner rage, I didn't need to smash anything anymore, I didn't feel the need to talk to anyone else. I was content in my own world. My own realization of the situation, the need to stop trying to control everything and time out had helped a great deal. See I have always believed that everyone is part of an eternal flow (for lack of a better way of putting it).
When we are going in the right direction things flow easily, when things get hard our flow starts to crash like a wave. We should always work towards a synergistic balance between our lives and nature, it does not matter who or what you pray to, in the end you make the choices and if you make the wrong choices, who is to blame? Only you.
I lay there on the beach, for what seemed like an eternity, happy and content with myself. I had seen where I had made mistakes, my wrong doings. I could also see the path that I had to follow.
In this moment of clarity I was invisible, I heard the ocean calling my name. I decided that following my inner voice so far had lead to great things (on a personal and emotional level) this morning so there I was neck deep in the cool ocean, being the creature of habit that I am I swam slowly out past the jetty, I have always liked to go past this point even when I was told not to. I was not thinking about what I was doing. Once I had reached the end of the jetty I floated there feeling the water around my body, being enveloped in nature, looking at the shoreline, so distant, so small.
I wondered how I could ever have been so angry and upset. I wished for rain. It slowly started to drizzle, the clouds were so beautiful and there in the ocean I realized that the rain could easily kill many people and do a lot of damage, yet when it was light rain there was nothing more life giving or beautiful. For me this was another sign suggesting to me that it is easier to destroy instead of create. Which is what I had been doing to myself, slowly destroying myself.
I decided right then and there that I would follow my chosen path, no more anger or pain. No more slow un-noticed destruction. I felt that nature was challenging me, telling me that if I decided to create instead of destroy it would keep it's promise to me, it's promise was that of always providing enough for me.
It was slowly becoming day, although it was still dark and wet. I felt the distant land calling me back, like a long lost friend trying to find me. I decided to go home. Upon my arrival it was noted by my brother and his girlfriend that I looked like a different person, to a degree that they wanted to throw a party that night because they knew that the old ME was back.
I sat down with my brother and told him about the clarity I had found by listening to my soul. He reminded me that I had always found a way of doing what ever I needed to do, when I needed to, he was just unsure of when I was going to return to my old self. When I asked him to go on with what he was saying he said, "you have always understood the moment, you usually acted upon the moment and things always worked out well and to your favour". At that point in time I realized that I needed to embrace the familiarity of challenge.
Embracing The Change
In essence I had given up that which I was in order to become that which I wanted to become. It was also at this point that I looked at my kettlebells; they too had been neglected, why? All my energy had been concentrated with the slow destruction of my now dead/former self.
I clean my 24kg bell, it felt so good to be reunited with a dear friend, the slight impact was familiar, and slowly I pressed it, feeling great I pressed it with my left hand.
How could I have created such a distance from an essential part of my being? This was again a problem that only I had the answer for. Was it slow destruction? Was it laziness? The answer to these question was no! The answer was that I was not myself and I was trying to live my life the way other people wanted me to live it. I vowed that this would not happen again.
I now realize that my morning awakening, has made me believe in myself, I will follow my path and I understand that it will be met with foe's and tests at every advance, but that is ok like I said I will welcome any challenge, it will be what comfort's me even in the hard times.
If your life ever gets to the point that you don't know what is going on and you feel that you are getting lost in the abyss of emotion and you are no longer in control, get out of your seemingly comfortable house, away from all your worldly possessions. Get back to nature and stop seeking the meaning of life and stop thinking that you need to do something that you really don't want to.
" The true measure of a man is not how he stands in times of convenience or comfort but, how he acts in times of terror and turmoil "
Why do a majority of us work jobs we hate... to buy shit that we don't need? Remember that the past is dead and what ever you do now is what counts. Also remember "The true measure of a man is not how he stands in times of convenience or comfort but, how he acts in times of terror and turmoil" I think that this is relevant.
If times are tough, men and women, stand tall and show nature and the world that you can do what is right for you. Remember to let go of a situation if you can't control it. Learn to have confidence in your own choice's in life and through out all... BE STRONG!!!
About The Author
Simon Forsyth, RKC is an avid Australian kettlebeller hey has his eyes set to become the first Australian Girevik to reach their Master of Sport ranking. All thing being equal he is on the constant pursuit of strength. Simon is almost always available if you need to ask questions or you just want to talk to someone who likes strength you can reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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