Bodybuilding.com - Louis Dorman - Louis Dorman's Guide To Getting In Shape: Part 5

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Did you know?
A coat hanger is 44 inches long if straightened.

The key to losing weight and having success with the opposite sex is in your mindset and in your attitude.

Part Five - Confidence.

By: Louis Dorman

What Is The Main Reason That You Want To Lose Weight?

Attract Opposite Sex
Look Better Naked
To Become More Confident
Better Fitting Clothing

Losing weight is not just about exercising and healthy eating. That's the easy part!

If it were that simple everyone would have the body that they wanted. The key to losing weight is in your mindset and in your attitude.

Boost Your Self Confidence

You feel anxious about mingling at a club/bar/party wondering if anyone will talk to you or if you will say anything engaging. You repeatedly check your appearance in the mirror. Perhaps, you failed at something you worked on and feel inadequate. You might even feel that you have been victimized and are not responsible for being fired or dumped. All these "symptoms" share a common denominator: you are lacking self-confidence.

Most daily stressors gnaw at the root of self-esteem. Filling your thoughts with perceived enemies and old conflicts drains your spirit and zaps your creative joy. No one can trivialize you, label you, or crush your convictions if you have a fundamental sense of who you are.

"There is no better time then the present!"

So how do you generate confidence? The secret to getting ahead is getting started:

Write down your goals to objectify and specify them. Often, we don't really think until we write!

Express who you are by letting your inner self out! Dress the way you want! Wear what is comfortable and makes you feel good.

What Are Your Goals?
>Lose Fat
>Build Muscle
>Improve Energy
>Other

Close your eyes and visualize the successful outcome. Believe that things will work out. See yourself successfully completing. Rehearse the steps in your mind, so that you become proficient. The less effort, the more proficient you will become.
Throw away the "demons" in your mind that provide the reasons why you can't, shouldn't and will ultimately fail. Nothing is impossible to a willing mind.
Find friends who will serve as your coach to inspire you to victory! You need a nurturing environment to grow. Imagine a sports team whose coach told them they were no good and would lose - Ultimately the team would lose.
If you fail, then assume responsibility. Learn from your mistakes and don't blame anyone else because then you give away your power. Victims are helpless. Don't let anger control you and defeat you.
You don't have to excel at everything. Find the something you do well and build on it. Let that something be your identifying success!
Become so strong inside that you do not have to demonstrate your power! It is a part of you, readily observable in your stance with shoulders back, heart open and head erect.

Having POWER Using Confidence With Women.

Here's one way to generalize male/female relationships - variables:

Power - You Have No Power, She Has No Power:
This is the attitude characterized by guys saying "You probably won't like me, and there's nothing that either of us can do about it." When people have very low self-esteem, combined with learned helplessness they often use these kinds of words. This is the situation when a guy thinks for whatever reason that he's not valuable as a person, and that no woman could want him.
No Power - You Have No Power, She Has The Power:
Characterized by "I don't know what to do. I really like this girl, but I don't think she likes me. I want her to like me really bad. I think about it all the time. I have to figure out how to get her attention and impress her." These are the kinds of thoughts of most guys who I come into contact with.
You - You Have Power, She Has Power:
Characterized by "I like myself and believe that I'm a great choice for her, and I think that she's a desirable woman. I'm going to give her the opportunity to take advantage of being with me. If she accepts, great... if she chooses not to, that's fine because I can always find another woman." This is probably the healthiest mindset, but there are a few problems here. Namely, that most women and men have a whole truck load of personal issues, neurosis, and "inner-children-needing-a-hug", so it doesn't come down this way often.
Her - You Have Power, She Has No Power: Characterized by "I am the best thing that every happened to you. I take what I want, and you'll enjoy it. If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. If you are too stupid to see the opportunity that is in front of you (me) then you're an idiot and nothing can be done to help you... later."

Click To Enlarge.

If you really take a moment and think about it, I'll bet that you'll find, as I have, that most problems that guys run into with women come from them believing that THEY HAVE NO POWER. In many situations, us guys just act like she has power and we don't. One of the biggest shifts in success for me came when I just started acting like I was the one with more power in every situation.

Treat Her Like She's Your Bratty Little Sister!

There are a few minor modifications you'll need to make, but go with me here. How does a big brother act around his bratty little sister? It's a combination of "I love you and would kill anyone who messed with you" and "I tolerate you, but I'm going to make fun of you and tease you to entertain myself."

The real trick when teasing a woman and busting her balls is to do it in a completely calm, confident, indifferent way. Women are great at detecting frauds. And it really doesn't matter what kind of fraud you're trying to run.

Women become uptight if you're not being who you are. If you're acting like she's your bratty little sister, you'll say whatever is on your mind, but you'll do it in a 'cool' way. Just like an older brother would.

Also, you won't let any of her ploys to control or test you even get past the radar. You'll just say "Look, stop it. That won't work on me..."

There is a way to bust a woman's balls royally, while at the same time communicating that you like her. Be creative and think up some of your own.

Non-Verbal Behavior Is Most Of The Game!

Most of your communication is not the words you use, or even the tone. It's your 'body language.' If you get your body language together, the rest becomes secondary.

Here are some of the things to work on:

Eliminate nervous ticks and gestures, automatic reactions, and emotional triggers.
Move more slowly and confidently. Turn head slower, blink slower, etc.
Improve posture. Pretend you're Super Man (A Tony Robbins Original).
Think Positive. "If you think you're going to fail, you already have."

Who Is Tony Robbins?
For more than a quarter of a century, Anthony Robbins has served as an advisor to leaders around the world. A recognized authority on the psychology of leadership, negotiations, organizational turnaround, and peak performance, he has been honored for his strategic intellect and humanitarian endeavors.
Learn More...

Learn how to behave in a more attractive way. Women are around 10 times as sensitive to subtle body language clues as men are. Most guys have no idea what they are communicating to women with their appearance, dress, gestures, etc. I'm telling you, body language is most of the game. You can know every great line in the book, but if you don't have the body language down, it can fail every time.

Always Communicate That You're Selecting Her!

In every situation there is a way to subtly or overtly communicate that you are the one who is selecting her. Just like that you can increase attraction in every situation, I also believe that you can communicate that you're the one doing the selecting (which, of course, increases the attraction).

Examples:

When you first meet her say, "You seem different from the other shallow women that work here..."
Mention that your ex girlfriend called you (if it's true, of course) and that she wanted to see you, but that you chose her instead tonight.
If you find something that she likes, tell her, "If you're a good girl, I'll give you some more..."

Now, these are some subtle ways of saying, in effect, "I'm the one who's in control. I'm desirable and I know it. I'm going to pay attention to you because I choose to." Do you get this? Most guys behave in a way that communicates, "I'm a lucky guy to be getting attention from you. I'll do whatever you want so you don't leave. I know that I'm fortunate to be with you, and I'm insecure because you might leave at any time." So think up some ways that you can communicate the idea that YOU'RE THE ONE SELECTING HER. If you overdo this one, you can come off as insecure and arrogant. Make sure to keep it on the subtle side. But used in small amounts, this is powerful. If you believe it, she'll believe it!

Keep Your Power For You. Good Luck!

louis@bodybuilding.com