So the other day I was at the gym (aren't we always?) and it was 5 am, and I was doing physioball pushups. Hands on the floor, feet on the physioball, down and up, down and up.
I don't wear the world's longest shorts while I'm working out, and I don't wear the world's tightest shirts, so probably some areas that I might not normally expose in the gym were showing. Nonetheless, I wasn't doing anything to solicit male attention... but some managed to find me anyway.
As I strained through a set of fifteen reps, an older man came up and said (not even kidding), "I've seen you around here before, what's your name?"
"Cristina," I coughed, face turning red with exertion.
"Oh," said the man. "Well, I'm Pagan."
I paused. "That's nice," I said, climbing down from the ball. "Did you have a nice winter solstice?"
"Don't you get it?" he asked. "You said you're Christian, so I said I'm Pagan. Ha-ha! Isn't that a good one?"
"Not really," I told him, "and it's 5 am." And you are about sixty, and I'm twenty two, and that's disgusting, I wanted to add.
Boys, the point is: if you're trying to hit on a gal in the gym, you've got to use tact! Don't be an @ss, don't think you are all that, and don't be annoying! There are ways to pick up that hot yoga instructor—but you've got to make sure that you're doing things right.
First & Foremost: Make Sure She's SINGLE!
The other day, a buddy of mine and I were talking as we cooled down on the stationary bikes. He mentioned he was now single, and he was saddened because of the lack of good female lovin' in our particular area. I looked about the gym and immediately spotted what I decided was probably a very attractive female, so I pointed her out to him and said, "Well, what about her? She's very pretty."
"Yeah, I considered her," he said. I looked confused. He's an attractive guy, so I didn't know why he didn't just go for it. "She's my boss's wife."
Yes, going for a wife, especially your boss's wife, is not a good move. Luckily, you can prevent this: SCAN THE HAND for a RING. If there's no bling, she's at least not incontrovertibly committed. (Don't be that guy who goes for the married gal—you are asking for trouble!).
After the initial scan, approach with caution. Always assume the worst—that the 300 lb. guy over there lifting the entire bench press (bench and all) is probably her committed and sensitive boyfriend. He probably brings her a dozen roses every hour and paints her toenails for her and watches Julia Roberts movies just so he can stay up to date on her favorite chick flicks.
This may not be true, but by approaching her without making the assumption that she's single, you'll be sure to avoid getting your butt kicked, and you may also find that following some of the ensuing strategies will be easier as well. After all, when you come into the situation without any intentions, anything positive that happens will feel so much more awesome than if you just assume that she's going to fall head over heels for you simply because you have very nice pectoral development.
Second: If She's At The Gym, She's There For A Reason, And Chances Are It Isn't To Hang Out With You.
Hate to break it to you, but just because a babe jumps onto the treadmill next to yours doesn't mean she wants to admire your finely toned gastrocnemiuses from a closer perspective. Chances are she is there to do her cardio just like you are. She may not even notice how ridiculously good looking you are while running. However, there is an upside to this situation.
She's doing cardio. You're doing cardio. You are both doing the same thing. You have something in common! Ah. Material for conversation.
As a girl, if I was biking along and a guy sat down on a bike next to me and asked me a moderately intelligent question, such as: "Which mode do you think gives you a harder workout, the 'interval mode' or the 'hill climber mode'?" I would certainly give him an honest answer and feel inclined to continue conversing with him. Note the tact here.
The guy didn't sit down and say "Geez! You've been riding for 20 minutes! That's great... for a girl!" That would piss me off. But he assumed I had experience in the gym and asked a question. And guys, it doesn't matter whether or not you actually are curious about the fat-burning effects of a particular bike mode; what matters is you get the girl to talk to you and to start sharing stuff. After that you can share names, interests, phone numbers, drinks, and... well you know. See, it all builds on itself.
Of course, the same can apply for weights. If she's lifting, ask her about her favorite bicep exercise. Don't come busting into the middle of her set with a rampage of questions that rival the GRE ("Could you remind me again exactly which steps of the Krebs cycle are rendered more effective by linoleic acid supplementation? Thanks."), but start simple: you can always offer to switch out using a particular bench with her, and from there launch into some conversation. Just be respectful of her gym time as you'd want her to be of yours.
Third: Girls Are Like Muscles, It Takes Repeated Work To Get Them To Be What You Want.
Honestly, who doesn't want to have mad-Shaft-style powers and just give a girl "the eyeball" and expect her to come swooning over to your dominion in the squat rack? But realistically, this will not happen. Like the muscles you've worked so hard to build, you've got to build up that girl so that she's open to being with you.
There are, of course, a few things you must figure out on your first contact with her.
- Her relationship status
- Her name
- When she works out
I say the third because if you are committed to getting the girl, you need to actually be around her. Which means you need to be working out at the same time. You can conveniently show up at the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7 pm, and Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 9 am, and, oh look, she's there at the EXACT SAME TIMES. What a "coincidence."
Guess you'll have to interact with her. And oh look, she's walking to her car, and so are you. And hey, look, there's that great place down the street where you can get some nice clean eats and hang out, and, oh, she hasn't been there before? Well, she HAS to go. In fact, you'll even take her. Look at you, scoring a date and you didn't even have to try!
And of course you need to know her name, else you risk the very smooth, "Well, hello Katherine... I mean Karen... I mean Tara... oh crap, I mean Natalie. Hi Natalie. How are you today?" This will not get you any points with her. And we've already talked about why you need to know her relationship status.
Fourth: There's More To Her Than Just Her Body - So Try To Remember Some Of Her Not-Physical Features
Sure, she may have gigantic knockers and a small waist. And she may have a butt that would destroy even the master of protrusive booty appreciation, Sir Mix A Lot. And her legs may look like arrows pointing to another region of great male joy, but try to remember at least SOMETHING else about her. Aim for one "not physical" fact per conversation. This will ensure you have something to talk with her about the next time you meet.
For example [the following is a hypothetical series of two conversations that could potentially happen between a very tactful guy and I in the gym, and that would ultimately lead to him 'scoring' a date].
Sexy Male: "Hey there, mind if I swap out on the lat pulldown machine with you?"
Me: "Hey, no problem. Want me to set it on a particular weight after I'm done?"
Sexy Male: "I'm doing a variety of weights, so don't worry about it. Do you normally use the wide-grip one like that, or have you experimented with the close-grip one in the past?"
Me: "I've tried both, but I think I get better results with the wide-grip. I've got narrow shoulders and it seems to spread them out."
Sexy Male: "Yeah, I've noticed the same. I used to swim, though, so my shoulders are naturally kind of big."
Me: "You used to swim? I used to run. Swimming is a really hard workout! What event did you do?"
Sexy Male: "You know, the 1600. What about you?"
Me: "The ten thousand... " [continue lifting and conversation]
Sexy Male: "Hey, I see you are doing lat pulldowns again. Are you still working on widening your shoulders?"
Me: "Yeah, still at it."
Sexy Male: "I meant to ask you, did you ever run anything longer than the ten thousand? That's a pretty long race, in my opinion, but I know some folks run marathons and all."
Me: "I did a few half marathons in Greenville, SC."
Sexy Male: "Greenville, huh? My folks are from there."
Me: "Really? Have you ever been to [insert something here]?"
Sexy Male: "Yeah, it's awesome, kind of like [insert something local here]. Have you been to that?"
Me: "No, not yet. I need to check it out."
Sexy Male: "Well, I kind of want to go tonight. Want to go with me?"
Me: "Sounds awesome. Okay."
Note how "Sexy Male" was able to carry topic from one conversation to another - this gave him "power" in the situation and enabled him to get his goal, me! It's that easy!
So remember: verify single status, respect her gym time, commit to repeated conversation, and continue your efforts over the course of several meetings. That means if you want a chick for a Valentines' Day date, it's time you jump on the bandwagon and start working towards your goal.
After you've scored the date, it's up to you, however, to get whatever "other" goals you want to achieve. I guarantee that this is where the physique that you have built up in the gym will benefit you more than my advice. There are certain times when abs speak louder than words!