Poor me is writing this from backstage at the Arnold Classic surrounded by a bunch of beautiful professional figure competitors that have a tendency to increase ones testosterone production more than a teenage boy who had just been invited to a party the playboy mansion.
I'm sitting on a chair typing my report as all of the figure pro's are sat at my feet watching the TV screen in front of us that is airing the Fitness International that is happening live less than 30 ft in front of us on the main stage where Kim Klein is dancing to Queens "I want to break free."
As the sixth routine of the evening comes on stage in the form of Jennifer Hendershott more people congregate and watch the action on the flat screen and more professional female bodybuilders walk by to the pump up area and rep out weights in between snacks of M&M's, Reese's peanut butter cups.
Every now and again I get distracted by the hugely ripped glutes of the female bodybuilders that keep passing in front of me, and momentarily I think and acknowledge that this is one of the only places in the world that having such extreme definition, dryness and more muscle mass than what the average man carry's is accepted and encouraged.
As I sit in my dazed haze from a long day at the crowded expo, former Miss Fitness International Adela Garcia sits beside me which adds a little excitement to my evening and a little warmth as she sits a little closer, I am a lucky boy. I ask her if she wishes she was on stage to put another trophy in her cabinet, "No, I'm happy for the rest", she responds. I'm happy for that too, I get some added company.
"You have 25 minutes before you are called downstairs" says another backstage policeman to the figure competitors. They all leave to prepare for the night of their lives. Adela's foot starts tapping as the music bellows through the speakers from the posing music of Betty Viana, the third bodybuilder this evening to grace the stage.
The fitness competitors start to return backstage, many of the stop and speak with Adela with obvious respect as the chairman of the IFBB Jim Manion looks on. I look behind for the first time and see many of the world's best photographers flashing light bulbs at the world's best female athletes.
The graceful sounds of Enya play over the speaker whilst the beautiful Cathy Le Francois poses through her masterful routine as her proud boyfriends Scott sits on one side of me, so proud that he pauses the game "brick breaker" on his phone.
Although not competing this year, Dennis James momentarily walks in to say hi to several people. One of the figure competitors asks to take a photo of him to which he obliges, only if she is in it to accompany him. Just as the flashbulb sparked, Wolf from the Gladiators walked in to a reception of even more and stayed back and relaxed as he claimed his element.
Just as you thought it couldn't get any better, the governor and our bodybuilding ambassador Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in to a huge tsunami of paparazzi pictures that I'm sure will find its place on computers all around the world within minutes. They say sex sells, but we are now within in bodybuilding territory where Arnold is king.
The finals wrapped up where Iris Kyle was disqualified for reasons unknown, Gina Aliotti wrapped up the figure international, Kim Klein took out the Fitness International and Yaxeni Oriquen notched up her 4th Ms International. We'll see you same time same place tomorrow for the men's bodybuilding.