June 24, 2005 Miami
Beginning With The End.
I was standing in the back row on stage during prejudging looking at the top five posing it out in front of me. I did not make the first call out. I was devastated and it showed. I could feel my confidence draining out from under me like a broken floodgate with no way to stop it.
I was confused, frustrated, upset, and depressed as soon as the top five guys stepped forward and took their spots for the quarter turns. I thought for sure I would be top three, at least top five.
When that was over the judges brought us forward to do our rounds. I tried my best to give the judges a second look at me, maybe they will get the idea that I need to be up higher, I thought to myself. No luck.
After prejudging I was in shock. I had horrible thoughts of wanting to quit, to lay down and roll over, to leave Miami and put it all behind me. I had trained so hard, dieted so much and concentrated so precisely on this competition that no stone was unturned regarding my preparation. How could I have let this happen? What did I do wrong?
I wasn't a chemo patient any longer. My heart and soul went into training. That was all I thought about during treatments was coming back on stage and winning.
Click To Enlarge.
I Wasn't A Chemo Patient Any Longer. See Part 1.
I went to the pump up room with no words said. Silent and stunned, I put my clothes on, gathered my things and out the door I went.
Later That Evening:
Where I Was.
After showering for 45 minutes to get the
tanning product off I sat down and had to deal with this blow somehow. I had to put it into perspective. Earlier I felt my flaws were exposed and judged. I felt what I had brought to the table was not the preferred design. The Musclemania Superbody was too big and too soon for me.
The other athletes had trained for a full year in good health; I had only six months of training and dieting under my belt post chemotherapy. I had to get my mind screwed on right for the finals the next day. This was not like me. I am a positive person.
I had gotten so many of my friends to compete naturally over the years and they were all here to see me compete and do well. I had to let go and bask in the thought that I was blessed to even step on stage let alone be alive. Let go I did.
June 25, 2005 Miami
After an all day photo shoot by the pool and beach at the hotel it was time for the finals. I was so layed back with no worries. I wanted to pose down and have a little fun up there. I tanned up, put on my smile and squeezed every fiber that I had.
We all arrived at the restaurant at around 1:30 a.m. Eager to eat filling food, I decided on pasta and a big sugary dessert. After downing the cake in less than 30 seconds my body went into sugar shock and I nearly passed out in the restaurant.
What a way to cap off a weekend of competition! Recovered and nauseous I went to lie down in the hotel for a final night.
August 5, 2005 Lafayette, Louisiana Redemption.
It was late on a Friday night and I found myself registering for the 2005 NGA Natural Louisiana. After Miami I was back training, dieting, and focusing once again, this time with better intentions and attitude.
My mind was right for this one: no unrealistic expectations. Compete for the love of competing, win yes, but the love must come first. This show would be me against me. Improving my conditioning, mass, shape, and symmetry.
Once on stage the announcer read my bio. Under titles won I jokingly wrote "cancer survivor." My posing routine starts with my back to the crowd. When the M.C. read that I had beaten cancer the entire crowd was applauding.
I looked back a bit and found many were standing as I gave a thumbs up and smiled. Chills went up and down my spine and a thought came over me; I was happy to be here indeed. I felt so cared for by the crowd, family and friends.
I placed second in the heavyweight class and I was elated!
God was and has been watching over me all my life. He challenges us and teaches lessons. He makes us realize what is important even if we have to go through pain to get there. Everything in some way or another happens for a reason.
Whether we find out tomorrow of after we are gone from this earth. I am truly blessed to have the parents that I have, my siblings, extended family, and friends. Without them I would not have been able to walk out of that chemo clinic for the last time and onto that stage.