So you think it's easy being lean? In a society where the population is bloating out of control and obesity is normal, it would be so much easier being fat.
If I Didn't Care About Being Lean.
If I didn't care about being lean I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Just imagining it makes my mouth water. Cheesy pizzas, broiled burgers, Mexican delights could be eaten at all hours of the day or night. That would be incredible.
Counting calories would be a thing of the past. In fact, I would stay in denial. If you asked me how many calories and fat grams my favorite foods engulfed, I wouldn't have a clue and I would like it that way. Ignorance and food are bliss.
No reading nutrition labels for me. After all, the vocabulary needed to understand health information, such as trans fats, processed foods, cottonseed oil and net carbs is much more complex than being able to order a thing on a stick, a pocket of pleasure, or fun on a bun.
Of course I wouldn't just eat out of hunger and for nutrition. No-sir-ee, I would consume out of boredom, happiness, sadness, being socially acceptable and maybe even the occasional eating contest. You've seen those on TV. They air those contests on the cable channels. It seems that it must be a sport and all sports are respectable, right? Maybe I can strive to eat the most hot dogs at one sitting this year!
The benefits would surely add up if I just gave up on fitness. Think of the money to be saved by frequent all-you-can-eat buffets, ordering fast food and pre-prepared meals in a box. I'd be rich! When I did want to splurge and spending money was not an issue, I would never struggle like I do now to find a restaurant where I could find something to eat.
The days of hunting down an acceptable size portion of nutritionally balanced fare that won't send my arteries into a future state of panic would be long gone. It would save me so much time and frustration by no longer bogging down waiters with special requests to "hold this", "put on the side that" and "cook it plain." Simple ordering right off the menu - now that's the life for me! I would probably even have money left over.
Speaking of food, I wouldn't have to spend time and energy preparing, packing and porting my own food anymore. Being fat would make my life so much easier, yes, indeed. No more measuring, planning and thinking. I can't be wasting (pun intended) my time doing those chores. My favorite TV shows are on! Why worry about trying to be lean? It's such a pain.
I could be relaxing on the sofa, kicking my feet up and pressing the remote control. Set a bag of chips and a soda pop next to me and I'd really be in heaven. I would have all the time in the world to watch all the reality shows while I really spread out my bottom by being sedentary. Oh, but you may eventually see me out of the house. Maybe I could eventually try out to be the Biggest Loser!
Deciding to go fat would sure make it easier at the office. All those business lunches and dinners would be a piece of delicious cake! After all, it's a requirement to eat, drink and be merry with clients, isn't it? Here's another biggee at the office - fitting in. No, I don't mean fitting in the chair, I mean fitting in with the crowd.
At my lean present, I'm like an outcast. It's not fair! I want to be popular, too! Have you noticed that most people are more accepting of people like themselves? I'm a stick in the mud being lean. Others are constantly telling me that a little cake won't hurt me, or that it's a special occasion (and we all know that calories don't count on special occasions) or to just try some.
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They constantly try to undermine my health conscious routines. Could my co-workers feel convicted by my healthy eating? Nah, they're just trying to help me fit in and be popular. In fact, I could win friends and influence people by bringing the daily donuts and be lovin' it while doing the lunchtime fast food runs!
I can't even complain about aches, pains and ailments with my friends and family. In my current leanness I am deprived of describing the woes of high blood pressure, type two diabetes, fatigue and joint pains. I don't get to visit my doctor as much as everyone else does. Come to think of it, they take more time off of work being sick than I do, too.
Not only would giving up being lean make me fit in with society more, but I could practically wear whatever I wanted to without being questioned. Wearing a nice outfit now can make me appear suggestive. I would blend in with everyone around me no matter what I wore if my clothes were only a few sizes bigger.
Here's another benefit of not being lean. I would be like many other moms. After birthing two children, there is no reason for me to put this much work into my body. No one expects me to be fit after two pregnancies!
Gosh, at my son's end of the year award ceremony, most parents took up one or more chairs for each cheek! That's two to three chairs a piece! I want my share of the chairs! Besides, commercials would remind me that it's not my fault. My stubborn belly fat is because of cortisol and I can just pop a pill to fix it if I were inclined to do so. What could be better?
Let's not forget the most obvious and dreaded time waster, exercise! Exercise would no longer be required! Parking in further spots from my destination and stairs would be a thing of the past. I would trade those antiquated designs for the comforts of modern technology such as elevators and escalators.
I wouldn't waste time to make time for exercising on a daily basis and I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Heck, if I did exercise, I certainly wouldn't work hard or sweat. I would read the paper, a magazine, or use it as a social event. After all, it does SOUND good to say you exercise.
I could save even more money by eliminating my current gym fees and trainer fees. So many people tell me they can't afford a trainer. It must be true because they seem to have the money to eat out, have their nails done and make all those visits to the doctor that I don't get to schedule.
They have to have money for sitting at movies, buying those big screen televisions and acquiring the latest x-boxes and video games. I could probably afford those luxuries, too, if I gave up exercise.
My kids would enjoy those riches as well. I could stop worrying about being an example of health to them, teaching them about nutrition, energy and movement. However, my children could still use me as a role model. They could still eat like me, look like me and learn to deal with their health issues in the future like most of their peers will.
Why shouldn't they fit in and be part of the growing trend, too? It's only right to let them do what the other kids do and be like the other kids their own age. It used to be in to be thin, but now fat is where it's at!
So Much Easier
Yes, it would be so much easier if I didn't uphold to staying lean. I could keep putting off until tomorrow the things that I should do today. Making excuses for taking responsibility for my health could be a top priority.
I think I could be really good at that. I probably don't get a chance to overburden the healthcare system right now like I could be. I pay dearly for health insurance premiums. I want to use it, too! Gosh, if I just kept eating more and exercising less I could eventually qualify for that really nifty, popular, trendy surgery - gastric bypass!
Come to think of it, if I weren't lean I could give up pushing myself, challenging myself, and seeing what I'm really capable of achieving. Easier is just plain easier. No pain means no pain. Most things worth getting in life are simple and pain-free, right?
In fact, it's getting much more difficult all the time to fit in and not feel like an odd ball, a freak of nature, being lean as the population of obese people swells. Just take a look around you at any public gathering. If the color of health is green, then we as a society we are becoming more magenta - the very opposite color.
The magentas have virtues regarding health that are different than the greens. We may all possess discipline, honesty and commitment, but they are manifested in vastly different ways. One way is easy and the other is not. Let's look a little closer at these virtues.
The lean greens are disciplined with their diet, exercise and preventative health. The massive magentas are disciplined in their eating traditions and keeping their doctor visits.
I would be much more popular if I did not have to be honest with people when they ask me what it takes to be lean. I would enjoy telling people what they wanted to hear instead of what they needed to hear. To be lean, it also takes being honest to yourself regarding what it is that you are eating.
We can't forget commitment. Commitment is a wonderful thing. I can't deny that the plump public is still very committed. The world abounds with people who while not at a healthy weight are nevertheless very committed to certain foods and drinks they will just not give up.
They can be very dedicated to beer, fats, restaurants and excuses. In fact, some are quite obstinate in their refusal to remove or even limit those foods in their diet. Ironically, those same people are the first to hop on the trendy, fad diet band wagons in their virtuous quest for commitment. C'est la vie.
If only I could allow myself to fully relax - in my stretchy pants, of course - I would just let go of the whole prospect.
It's Not Easy Being Lean
No, it's not that easy being lean.
Perhaps that childhood song of a wise, familiar, green friend is beginning to acquire a new and everprecious meaning for me:
It's not that easy being lean;
Having to spend each day eating to fit in your jeans.
When I think it could be easier being plump, or pudgy, or fat -
Or something much more maintainable like that.
It's not easy being lean.
It seems you don't fit in with so many
other contemporary things.
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not eating all-you-can-eat buffets and donuts and beer-
Or heapfuls of pie.
But lean's a beautiful thing.
And lean can be cool and healthy-like.
And lean can be big like with muscles, or strong
Like an athlete, or fit as can be.
When lean is what you want to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
Wonder, I am lean, and I'm healthy,
And I think it's what I want to be.